Contents
The Properties
You stare at the flame that burns betwixt the wax that fills the room with fragrance. “That was just a dream…” you think to yourself, ”That was a dream, and yesterday was yesterday. Today is today and tomorrow will be tomorrow. I dreamed a dream where I saw a bar. I dreamed a dream where I drank a drink. I dreamed a dream, and now it is but a simple memory. A memory I hold beside the memories of yesterday. A dream is just another memory, not at all more or less real, just… a memory. Yet, it is a memory… being remembered now.”
So far, the properties of you, The Knower, are that you are momentary, yet eternal. You belong to no space, though you are infinitely vast for you are not bound by physical limitations. You do not exist, for a thing to exist, it must belong to the experience in which the concept of existing… exists. You are also not bound by time, for the concept of time exists within the knowing of an experience, a knowing that is happening now. You are no thing, you are no where and you are not able to do any thing, other than to be aware of the knowing of an experience, whether it is physical or of the mind. This begs the question… who is the one that is aware?
To clarify, you are not able to be referred to in question with “what”, “when” or “where”, for you are no thing, happening now, no where. That is, if the question “Where am I?” was asked, it would be invalid, for you cannot be any where, resulting in the only possible answer of no where. In the same way, you are unable of being referred to in question with “what” and “when”. All that remains in the understanding of your unobstructed true nature is the “who”, the “why” and the “how”. Who is aware of the knowing? Why are you aware of the knowing? How are you aware of the knowing?
“What am I?” you ponder once again, ”Well, should I even ask the question? If I am nothing, if I am no one, if I am no where, what is the point? How can nothing be a what? How can no one be a who? How can no where be a where? What am I, who am I, where am I… questions I will never know the answers to. Yet, here I am, now. Here I am, but why is it an I? Who is the I? Who am I? Oh, how can I escape this cycle? How can I escape?”
You must first understand the meaning of a “who” before attempting to associate its properties to the current knowing of the self – The Knower. The Oxford Dictionary defines “who” as:
who: used in questions to ask about the name, identity or function of one or more people.
It has already been established that you do not have an identity, but rather you know the experience in which a being is associated with an identity. Similarly, you are not a person, people and you do not have a name. Rather, you know the experience in which a person can exist among others of the same kind, each with their own name. For a “who” to exist, there must be an experience to whom a being may belong, but you are not a being experiencing any thing. You are, however, knowing the experience in which a being may be referred to in question with the pronoun “who”.
You cannot be associated with a gender, but you are knowing the experience in which the concept of gender exists. You do not have a physical body, rather, you are knowing the experience in which a being traverses a physical world with a physical body. You do not have the capacity to think, but rather you are knowing thought, in which identities, memories and beliefs may or may not appear. You do not have a history, but rather you are knowing thought in which the memory of a history may or may not appear.
You cannot be referred to as a “who”, for you are not a “someone”. You do not have an identity, you do not have a physical body and you do not have a name. You are no body. You do not have a past and you do not have a future, for you are only ever knowing the experience, now. You are knowing, now. You are no one, although you are knowing the experience in which a someone may exist.
You are no one, you are no where, you are no thing and you are only ever knowing, now… but why? Why are you at all the way that you are? First we need to understand what we are trying to ask, what is “why”? The Oxford Dictionary definition for the adverb “why” is:
why: used in questions to ask the reason for or purpose of something.
“Why” is used in questions to ask for the purpose of some thing, yet you are no thing. In the same way, “why” is used in question to ask for a reason of some thing, yet you are no thing. You are incapable of “having” a purpose, rather you are knowing the experience in which things may or may not have purpose. You are incapable of having a reason or a purpose, rather you are knowing the experience in which a thing may or may not have a reason or a purpose.
You have no purpose and you have no reason, for purpose and reason exist within the experience, but you do not. For The Knower to ask itself “Why am I?”, it must be capable of questioning, but it is not for it only knows knowing. You only know because you are knowing. You are knowing. You are knowing. The asking of a question is to The Knower what breathing is to a table. In the same way a table does not have the capacity to breathe, The Knower does not have the capacity to ask, but only the capacity to know. What hearing is to the eyes is what the ability to question is to The Knower. In the same way the eyes cannot hear, The Knower cannot question.
“Maybe if I had something to remind me of the characteristics of nothing, then I wouldn’t forget! Wait, trying to find something that symbolises nothing is the forgetting… This is maddening.” You rake your dusty fingers across the table, hoping for a sign. “Please, give me something! Give me anything! Give me- Oh. I remember. I don’t want something, and I don’t want anything, I want nothing. But if I want nothing… then will I get nothing? If I want nothing, how will I know when nothing arrives, if it is empty and void? If I want nothing, how will I know when nothing is near, if it is silent and unseen? If I want nothing, how can I expect anything at all?”
For you to ask, “Why is this happening?”, you must have the capacity to question, but you do not. You only have the capacity of knowing thought, wherein lies a question. This, is happening to you, for no reason, because reason exists within the experience, but you do not. You do not have the capacity to have a reason, but only the knowing of a thought, wherein lies the concept of a reason. You are no one, you are no thing, you are no where, you are only ever knowing for no reason, now… but how?
“If I want nothing, how will I know when nothing is found? Hold on… How can I ever know nothing? How can I ever know… nothing? I am treating nothing as something, but nothing is nothing. I cannot know nothing… I cannot know nothing… Then why am I even trying? Oh. I must stop trying to know nothing, for it quite literally cannot be known. Oh… that is why I, The Knower, cannot be known, because I am no thing. I am nothing, and if I was to be known, there would be nothing to know. I mustn't use knowing in my pursuit to find something that cannot be known. Am I going mad?”
How are you only ever knowing at all? We can tackle this problem in question, in the same way or manner that we have previously tackled a problem in question. The Oxford Dictionary definition of the adverb “how” is as follows:
how: in what way or manner.
To know how a thing is, you must find a way or manner to explain the process through which an assertion is attained. Luckily for you, you have just finished reading the very assertion I am pertaining to. That is, you have just finished reading up to this specific section of the book, which has thus far explained the very “how” you may or may not be pondering. If you are The Knower, and there is no experience to be known, The Knower remains. Yet, The Knower cannot know itself for it is no thing, no one, no where, for no reason and only now. Yet, in the absence of any thing, you remain, how? It is because you are aware of The Knower, meaning you cannot be The Knower, in the same way The Knower cannot be The Believer.
You are aware. You are aware that you are aware. It is the final recognition of the self, when awareness becomes aware of its own being.
The Awareness
You are no one, you are no thing, you are no where, you are only ever aware, now and for no reason. What properties are able to describe the nothingness you express? The Oxford Dictionary defines the noun “property” as:
property: a quality or characteristic that something has.
A property is a quality or characteristic that some thing has, however, you are no thing. The properties that can describe the nature of you, are no properties at all. The properties of no thing are non-existent. The properties of no where are non-existent. The properties of no one are non-existent. The properties of no time are non-existent. The properties of you, are non-existent.
You are only ever aware of the knowing, now. However, you are aware of your awareness of knowing. You are aware that you are aware. You are aware of the awareness of knowing. You are only ever aware.
“Now I’m The Awareness?” your mind carries on endlessly. ”What’s next? How many more things, that are not things, could I possibly be? I am aware of The Knower, therefore I cannot be The Knower… so I am The Awareness? But I am also aware of being aware of The Knower… so what does that make me? I am aware of The Awareness… so I am… The Awareness? Again? Huh?”
If The Knower is only capable of knowing, and you are aware of The Knower, you cannot be The Knower. The Knower cannot know the awareness of itself, for it does not have the capacity to be aware of nothingness, but you do. You are not The Knower, for you are aware of The Knower. You are aware of your awareness. You are simply awareness.
Yet, it remains true that although you are only ever awareness, you are aware of what you are aware of. Whether that is The Knower who is knowing, or the awareness of yourself, you are aware of what you are aware of. Yet you are not The Knower, you are awareness.
You are no thing, no one, no where, for no reason and only ever aware, now. You are awareness, therefore there is no knowing that you can be aware of that will help you be more aware. The knowing is subject to your awareness, not the other way around. You are awareness, being aware of the knowing of an experience, an experience of the six senses, but you are not the experience.
There is no thing that awareness can be aware of to make it more aware. There are no different levels of awareness one may attain, only one constant, infinite, eternal yet momentary state of awareness. The concept of higher and lower states of a thing exist only in the awareness of the knowing of the experience in which higher and lower states of a thing may exist. You are not a thing, nor are you within the knowing of the experience in which a thing may or may not be, for you are the awareness of it.
“I am aware that I am aware that I am aware of the knowing of an experience… this is ridiculous. This is infinite, and I will never get out of this cycle of being aware, so what is the point? I guess there is no point, and that is the point… talk about paradoxes.”
Any question to query the nature of awareness can never be absolute for it is from within such an experience that the question arises, but the awareness is aware of the experience. The experience is subject to the awareness, not the other way around. The true nature and essence of pure, unobstructed awareness can never be understood, for the concept of understanding exists within the experience of which you are aware. The concept of understanding is subject to you, not the other way around. Any concept, idea, question, experience, or thing from within the experience is subject to you, not the other way around.
You are awareness, aware of knowing and of awareness, but you are not separate from the knowing. Where does the knowing come from, in order for awareness to become aware of it? No where! The knowing comes from no where. For a thing to be any where it must exist within the experience in which a thing may or may not be in a place, but experience is subject to knowing, just as knowing is subject to awareness, not the other way around.
You are awareness, so now what? Nothing.
The Void
Before trying to comprehend the ridiculous, infinite and paradoxical nature of awareness, you, it would be helpful to find clarity in the definitions of recurring concepts so as to avoid ambiguity. Firstly, it is important to understand the characteristics of a paradox, which is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as:
paradox: statement containing two opposite ideas that make it seem impossible or unlikely, although it is probably true.
We have seen that the awareness of awareness is paradoxical. To reiterate, You are awareness, and all you have ever been is awareness, though you are aware of awareness, which means you cannot be awareness, but you are. It means you cannot be awareness. You are, though you cannot be. These are the two opposite ideas that make you impossible. You are a paradox. You are, but in the way that you cannot be. You are infinity.
What is infinity? The Oxford Dictionary defines “infinity” as:
infinity: a point far away that can never be reached; the state of having no end or limit.
Infinity is the expression of you, for mere language does not have the capacity to describe the very “point” infinity pertains to. The having of “no end” is the expression of you, for mere language does not have the capacity to comprehend the endlessness and limitlessness infinity pertains to. Yet, you do not need to make use of language or any concept, abstraction or theory to know yourself, for you are yourself.
Awareness is not a thing that is separate from you, awareness is all there is, and it is you. You are all there is. You are impossible, for the very nature you emanate is paradoxical. You are one awareness, in other words, oneness. Though, in this unified being that is oneness, many concepts of duality, separation, disassociation and distinction are able to exist, but only because you are infinite. Duality is an expression of oneness. Unity trying to recognise unity, creates duality, yet only Unity remains. “One” trying to recognise itself, creates two, yet only “one” remains, for without one, two cannot be. Without one, two cannot be, yet it does.
It is this infinite, paradoxical nature that we will be further exploring; all we are trying to do is recognise the self. You are awareness searching for yourself. What do you think you can find? Everything, but nothing.
If you had to find nothingness, the simplest place to look for it would be where there is no thing. It is in the absence of all things, where no thing exists. Where is the absence of all things? No where. What does the path to nothingness entail? To not see any thing! Luckily for you, The Awareness, if the physical being of which you are aware chooses to close their eyes, you will become aware of an experience in which a physical being closes their eyes. In other words, you will become aware of nothing. Although thoughts may still appear, the physical being must learn to focus on neither the senses nor the thoughts, so that you, The Awareness, can become aware of absolutely nothing.
Once you are aware of nothing, you may start looking for nothingness, but you will be looking for an eternity. Nothingness cannot be found, yet you are able to search for it! It is a thing that cannot be found, though it is able to be sought. That is the expression of you, The Awareness. You are not able to be found for you are the one that would be finding, though you are always searching! It is the ridiculousness of searching for a thing, or no thing, that cannot be found, which expresses the very nature of your being.
You are infinite, recursive awareness. You are what you are, and what you are not. You are, but you are not. You are the understanding that cannot be understood. You are the remembrance that cannot be forgotten. You are the knowing that cannot be known. You are the explanation that cannot be explained. You are the seeing that cannot be seen. You are what can never be, though you are being.
You are what you are looking to find. You are it. You are the finding of it. You are what it forever finds. Yet, in the same way you are infinitely paradoxical, you are just as much the searching, as you are the finding. You are the one who is lost, just as much as you are the one who is found. You are infinity, but singular. You are eternal, but momentary. You are forever, but only now. You are, but you are not. You.
In the awareness of awareness, you forgot that you were the awareness you were aware of. You are the awareness that you are looking to be aware of. It is most simple and most obvious, yet impossible to grasp for it is infinite. Awareness is all there is, yet you continue to search for awareness. Awareness is all you are aware of, yet you cannot seem to find it, for you are the one who you are looking to find, but you are right here… and no where.
If awareness becomes aware of itself, it will become aware that the same self has become aware of itself, and this will go on for eternity. In other words, if a mirror looks into a mirror, what does it see? Infinity, forever.
The Consciousness
You are awareness of awareness. You are infinite infinity. You are eternal eternity. You are a paradoxical paradox. You are, yet you are not. You can, yet you cannot. In the same way that you are aware that you are aware, you are you. You are you. In the same way that you are awareness, you are. You are.
Although you may have an understanding of your being, awareness, that is limited by the fleeting nature of the mind, you do not need the mind to be aware. You do not need the mind to be. In other words, the mind is to the experience, what the experience is to The Knower, what The Knower is to you, The Awareness. Similarly, The Awareness is to The Awareness what you are to you.
There is no thing that The Believer can believe to make you, The Awareness, more aware. There is no thing that The Knower can know to make you, The Awareness, more aware. There is no thing that The Awareness can be aware of to make you more aware. There is no thing left to learn, for you have shattered all the barriers from the one who believed to the one who is aware, you. What can be done, however, is for the physical being within the experience of which you are aware to align themself with the nature of you, The Awareness.
What does it mean for the physical being to align themself with the nature of you? The physical being must always be conscious of the nature of The Awareness, but what is consciousness? The Oxford Dictionary defines “consciousness” as:
consciousness: the state of being able to use your senses and mental powers to understand what is happening.
This is not to say that you, The Awareness, can become conscious. You are only ever aware. The physical being within the experience of which you are aware must become conscious of the nature of you. The physical being can only align themself with your nature, for they cannot be aware of you, but only understand from within the limitations of the mind a finite definition of awareness.
The physical being must understand that they are subject to the experience, which is subject to the knowing. Similarly, the knowing is subject to you, The Awareness, and you are infinite. The physical being must understand that an infinite being is aware of them, though this infinite being does not and cannot exist within the experience. The physical being must understand that you, The Awareness, are no where, so it is inconsequential to search for you. The physical being must understand that you are unfathomable, for you are infinite and the finite mind cannot comprehend infinity.
However, the finite mind can come to terms with the fact that there is no use in trying to fathom the unfathomable. The finite mind can come to terms with the fact that there is no use in trying to find you, as you are no thing and you are no where. You are no thing that can be found and you are no where to be found. The finite mind can never be you, but it can accept that it can never be you.
To become conscious of you, The Awareness, the physical being must understand the nature of you to the extent where they surrender the will to find you, for you are not able to be found. The physical being must understand the nature of you, The Awareness, to the extent where they surrender the will to know you, for you are not able to be known. The physical being must understand the nature of you to the extent where they surrender the will to believe in you, for belief exists within the experience, and you are not within the experience, but aware of the knowing of it.
It may seem ridiculous for the physical being to have come this far in the understanding of you, The Awareness, and so suddenly need to let it go. It may seem ridiculous that after everything, the physical being must literally do… nothing. Yet, it is the very doing of nothing that will allow the physical being to be in complete alignment with you, The Awareness. Accordingly, it is the very doing of nothing that will allow The Knower to know nothing. Finally, it is the very knowing of nothing that will allow The Awareness to be aware of nothing except for itself.
It is The Awareness being aware of nothing except for itself, which will allow you, The Awareness, to become aware of your own infinite being. That is all. All that is left to do, is nothing. Whether the nothing is found in deep meditation or deep concentration, the physical being must surrender the will to do any thing, allowing The Awareness to become aware of itself.
The physical being must allow you, The Awareness, through the conscious alignment of itself with your nature, to become aware of yourself in the absence of… all things and all nothings.
”Oh.” You mumble, “I get it… I can’t get it.”