I know why you are here. You are here because you are looking for something. You have searched for this something in many places before and to you, this book is one of them. This something is a very interesting something, for it cannot be bought or borrowed. It is formless and cannot be seen, though you know it is everywhere. It is what you have been looking for your entire life, and you believe that you will be better off when you find it. This something is what brought you to me.
You are at a point in your life where every slither of your being aches to find it, so much so that you would give up everything. You would give up everything to find what you have been looking for, but what does that mean? What is everything, and how do you know that you’re ready to give it up? What if you’re not yet aware of the significance this everything holds? Even when you do become aware, what could possibly remain in the absence of everything, that you would sacrifice it all?
I found my something, but it was no easy feat. I went through every stage of desperation before I came close to finding it. I wanted nothing else other than to know. What is it that I wanted to know? Why I am able to know at all. The search for purpose is a spectrum along which you may or may not find yourself, though it is the finding of such a spectrum that allows your search to end, rather peacefully. It is not the finding of a purpose, but the realisation or remembrance of its existence, or lack thereof.
I am not here to tell you that everything must go, for you to find your something, but rather I am here to show you that it is already here, whatever it may be that you are searching for. Whether it is love, purpose, or a reason to keep going, I will help you see it. There is no need to lose everything in order to find something, for us humans have a wondrous ability, and that is the ability to forget! There is no need to lose everything because you can simply learn to forget it, but it will once again be remembered.
I want to help you find your something without telling you where to look, but instead how to see. I want to save you an eternity of despair through the simple notion of acceptance. I want to give you the tools that help you find your something and hone your ability to express it to others. I want you to remember why you started searching at all. I want you to remember why you started any thing at all. I want you to remember.
I know what you are looking for, and I know why you have not found it. Would you like to know? Would you like to remember? Would you like to find a strength within you that is infinite? All that remains is for you to make the decision to go inside the room, and rest assured, everything will be waiting for you on the way out.
This will not try to teach you how to live in the moment, but how to become it. This will not help you cure your depression, but embrace it and find meaning in what you thought could only be meaningless. This will not help you find the answer, it will show you how to recognise it. This will not instruct you on how to think, but help you see how to see what remains in the absence of thought.
Everything in this book is everything I needed to learn on my journey to finding… my something. I always believed that unless I was a proponent of spirituality, religion, science or philosophy, I would never find the purpose of my being. That is, until I became a proponent of nothing, and found everything.
Before you are able to give up everything, or before you are able to leave it at the door, you must first understand what everything entails. Unfortunately, the nature of a human being is to be so distracted by the story one is experiencing that all else becomes pointless. A being who searches for their purpose in any thing that is not their being will never be able to find it.
I want you to understand why you are at all. To do so, you must first understand what you are not. Then, you must be able to accept a truth, that you will find yourself. This truth will be so obvious it is blinding. I will not be giving you more beliefs to believe, but rather I will show you how to transcend all belief. However, it is up to you whether or not you choose to follow. This is where you make a life altering, or vanishing, decision.
You are setting out on a journey in order to transform yourself from the something you believe you are into a nothingness that cannot be understood. Once you align yourself with the properties of nothingness, you will begin to comprehend the momentary, yet eternal nature of … nothing. In other words, you must understand what it means to do absolutely nothing and be absolutely no where, before you are able to find the nothingness in everything. That is, you must recognise yourself as infinite and eternal before you are able to find yourself in everything. Why are you trying to find yourself in everything? Because when there is nothing, there is still you aware of nothing… but what is the purpose of awareness still existing if there is nothing to be aware of?
It is important to note that there is quite literally nothing you can do to find this something. In other words, there is no specific path you can walk, no specific meditation you can explore and no spiritual yoga you can undertake in the pursuit of nothing. However, the nature of our being allows us to tap into this nothingness, whether it is through meditation or simple analysis. The purpose of this book is to show you the presence of absolutely nothing: no thing to be seen, heard, smelt, tasted or felt and no thoughts to be observed. Yet, in the nothingness, there is still an awareness of nothing. In other words, when there is nothing, there is something aware of the nothing… what is aware?
I am not going to tell you to ponder the infinite galaxies, nor am I trying to convince you of the shape of the Earth. I am not trying to help you live in the moment so that you could better focus on your dreams, nor am I going to help you find a happiness that is eternal, with no sorrow or pain. I am simply trying to help you find a peace that you can find in any and every situation. Yet, it is within this very peace that you will be able to know your something.
Finally, one of the most important things you can do is to abstain from all mind altering substances, until you understand what everything is. In other words, try to focus on having a sober, unwavering mind in the process of learning what it takes to find everything. However, once you understand what everything is, feel free to become aware of everything in different states of consciousness and different levels of awareness.
You find yourself sitting on a rickety, rusted, wooden stool. The candle lit table in front of you supports your heavy elbow as your hand supports your sullen hunch. You don’t know why you are here, but here you are. A heap of journals lay scattered to your right, and a leaking chalice is toppled to your left. The aromatic scent of an open book cloaks the deliquescence of the burning candle. You peer upwards, looking to find the wall in front of you. A painting of a flower hangs upon the cinder block wall. Is the flower in the painting real?
It may seem difficult to grasp the concept of no time, since it is all the physical being has ever believed in thus far. Instead of trying to imagine a world that is frozen in the now, wherein nothing changes, understand that it is impossible to catch the moment for it is so instantaneous, that by the time you find it, it is already gone. It is hard to conceptualise one moment in which you have always been, when the physical being believes that they remember being alive for so very long. However, try to understand that it was not the physical being being alive, but rather you knowing the experience of the physical being being alive. It was never the physical being within the experience that was knowing, it was you, The Knower.
The Knower does not have the capacity of pondering the memories of yesterday, the happenings of today or the possibilities of tomorrow. However, The Knower knows the experience in which yesterdays, todays and tomorrows exist. You find discomfort in this realisation for it denies any memory you are able to remember, and any dream you are eager to pursue. You are beginning to recognise the everything you must let go of, in order to find your something.
You are no thing, but you know the experience in which all things exist. All that is not The Knower, is the everything you must be able to let go of. That is, the everything you must forget, in order to find who is aware of the knowing. There is no thing that you can bring on the journey of finding. You cannot carry any thing at all on the road that leads to no thing at all.
An age-old concept that has fascinated philosophers and mathematicians for centuries is the likeliness of a thing to occur, or the probability of a thing. This is important to mention because of the doubtful nature of the mind. What is the probability that you are the one who will find this something? How can it possibly be you? You must understand that if the mind is doubting itself, and you know the experience in which the mind is observed, then you are not the mind.
That is, how likely is the sun to rise after it has set? How likely is the rain to fall during winter? How likely are you to be the one who finds this something that many can only ponder? How likely is this book to be the book that the physical being you know of needs in order for you to find this something? And finally, why is it that this book is being read, and not another? These questions only exist within the experience in which a physical being has the capacity to ask questions, yet they can never comprehend you, The Knower, so persistent curiosity is inevitable.
As the musty vines spill from above, the fragrance from the tabletop candle spills into the smoulder of the fireplace. The tinder smoke melds with the burning wick. While you wander, you find yourself pondering the act of pondering, and think “What is the probability that out of all the living beings in this world, I am the one to figure it out?” You must remember, that you are not the one to figure it out, because you are The Knower, and The Knower is no one at all. You are no one, and you are only ever able to know. Do not superimpose the limitations of the physical being upon the unfathomable essence of The Knower.
There are many delusions that come about in the uncovering of the illusion, one of which is doubt. It is the doubt in the probability that it is you who is able to know such a momentous truth, a truth that only you are able to know, while others do not. Yet, there are no others. There are no others, and what you are searching to find cannot be known by the physical being. What you are searching to find can only be known by you, for you, The Knower, are the only Knower who is knowing. You are the only Knower of what is known.
Is it a coincidence that the physical being was able to come across this book, instead of countless others? Out of all the books that the physical being could have picked up, why is it this one? Out of all the hours in a day that the physical being could have been reading, why is it this hour? Out of all the people in the world that the physical being could have been, why are they no one other than themself? These are all entertaining questions to contemplate, but there is no answer you can find that will help you on the journey to your something.
Remember, you are The Knower, and you are only ever knowing, now. If you happen to know any thoughts along the lines of: “What are the chances of me coming upon this book which just happens to know that I am The Knower, and not just another reader!” or “Is it just a coincidence that I was able to find this book or was I meant to find it?” try to understand that you are not the physical being who found the book, you are The Knower, knowing the experience in which a physical being finds a book. Do not ponder the significance of the experience at all, nor the nature of such an unlikely coincidence, for it is not a coincidence happening to you. It is a coincidence happening in the knowing of an experience.
If you ever want to find yourself, know that you cannot be any where, meaning you are no where. You are no where. If you ever want to see yourself, know that you are no thing, and no thing cannot be seen. You are no thing. You are nothing. If you ever want to know when you are, know there is only one moment you know, now. If you ever want to know what you are knowing, know that you are only ever able to know knowing. If you ever seem to ponder the happenings you are knowing, know that it is not you who is pondering.
Like the wax that drips and falls a hundred drops, your eyes, so slowly, fall asleep. Though there lies a thought or two that linger in your mind, you wander towards the silence in-between. As your weary eyes struggle to break the seal of fatigue, you find yourself in an elegant bar, only half the size of your feeble cabin. You’re dreaming.
Though you know you’re still dreaming, you find it hard to believe, for it all seems so familiar. You remember the potent scent of an open bottle like it remembers you. You recognise the murmuring of the regulars and the bickering of the grumblers. You notice the generosity of the tenders and the reciprocity of the ones to whom they tend. Is it that everything is familiar, or simply that you believe it is?
“I simply do not understand how I can know this bar so well, although I have ever known it once? I know I have never been here before, yet I remember that I have. I am convinced that I am familiar with everything in this bar, the wooden doors, the rickety stools, the olden curtains and your eternal kindness. But… I do not know you, what is happening to me?” You are in shock of how familiar you have become with this friendly bar. “The Flaming Familiarity will do that to you! But don’t you worry, have a couple more drinks and I’ll tell you where to find the one you are searching for.” The tender tender reassures you once more.
It is not that The Knower is knowing an illusion, wherein the concepts and ideas of an experience are explored, but rather The Knower is knowing an experience, wherein the concepts and ideas of illusions are explored. Therefore, it is very easy for the physical being to find perfect reasoning for the doubt they may experience in regards to their own existence. It is easy for the physical being to accept that they are able to exist independent of The Knower knowing, although the physical being cannot exist unless the experience in which they exist is known by you, The Knower.
It is also very easy for the physical being to find a reason within the experience that satisfies their inability to comprehend The Knower, ultimately resulting in a disbelief that such a being, you, may even exist. Yet, even in the disbelief and assertion that you do not exist… the physical being would be correct, for you are not able to exist at all, wherein lies a joke. Luckily for you, The Knower, you are only ever knowing, and you do not know reasoning or disbelief, but rather the experience in which reasoning and disbelief may or may not exist.
“What will it matter you ask? Does a character in a dream search to find the dreamer, or enjoy the floating ballerinas? Does a character in a dream search to find the dreamer, or enjoy the painless touch of fiery silver? Does a character in a dream search to find the dreamer, or enjoy the story being told? Stop looking for what cannot be found, and simply enjoy what is already here! I think it’s time for a Hallucination Carbonation! What do you think?” The bartender is chuffed with their return.
Though you are unfathomable, the physical being within the experience will always attempt to fathom you, even after accepting the unfathomable nature of your essence. The physical being within the experience will always attempt to find a reason to remain in the physical experience, for it is afraid of what it cannot know, which is you, The Knower. The physical being within the experience will be presented with many mechanisms to satisfy its illusory existence, yet it remains that you, The Knower, will only ever know the experience in which a physical being is satisfied with the experience.
Upon awakening from a dream, a physical being tends to find reassurance in the fact that what was remembered was simply happening in a dream, thus relieving themself of the ramifications therein. Although the physical being experiences a dream, The Knower knows the experience in which a physical being may or may not experience a dream. In the same way, The Knower knows the experience in which a physical being identifies the experience remembered from a dream as a hallucination, but The Knower cannot hallucinate.
The physical being must be prepared to experience absolutely anything. The physical being must be prepared to see absolutely anything. The physical being must be prepared to find absolutely anything. The physical being must be prepared to always remember the essence of The Knower, and harness the understanding that is the indestructibility of The Knower. The physical being must be completely conscious of the invisible presence of you, The Knower, and understand that they will never be able to find you, but only because you have found them, by simply knowing the experience in which they exist.
The concept of fear is subjective, in that it exists differently in the mind of each physical being. Although the idea of fear may be the objective response to a thing that is scary or horrifying, each physical being responds differently to different things. Fear is a spectrum along which physical beings may or may not find themselves. Yet, on the pursuit of aligning one’s physical experience with the essence of The Knower, the spectrum of fear must be completely disregarded as no more than a simple concept that exists within the experience.
As the metallic texture of the silver chalice brushes upon your lips, you gulp the purple pulp and guzzle down the fruity hooch. “Oh!” You exclaim, “This isn’t as disgusting as it looks.” The bartender smiles at you as they bid you farewell, “That’s all from me. One more thing before I forget. If you want to find The Knower, close your eyes, and you will find nothing! Get it? You will find nothing? And The Knower is nothing? Eh, that’ll get you far enough. Ta-ta!”
With the tender’s final utter, you find your peace with what may come to be. You know where you are. You know that you are in a dream. You know that you are a character in a dream, and not the dreamer. You know that what ever happens can never harm the dreamer. You close your eyes.
There is nothing at all. There is no one at all. There is no where at all. There is no time in which any thing can change. There is nothing. Alas, I recall the essence of The Knower, in that The Knower too is nothing at all. The Knower too is no one at all. The Knower too is happening now and in no time at all. There is nothing at all, and that is where you find The Knower.
You open your jaded eyes and find yourself atop your rickety stool, in your homely cabin. You remember your dream as vividly as you do the crackling of the fireplace. You remember the bartender and all the stories you shared. You remember the secret to finding The Knower. You remember that to find The Knower, one must look no where. One must look no where at all, but until you are able to silence your thoughts, the darkness of your fastened eyes will surely do. You have become aware of the whereabouts of The Knower!
“Maybe if I had something to remind me of the characteristics of nothing, then I wouldn’t forget! Wait, trying to find something that symbolises nothing is the forgetting… This is maddening.” You rake your dusty fingers across the table, hoping for a sign. “Please, give me something! Give me anything! Give me- Oh. I remember. I don’t want something, and I don’t want anything, I want nothing. But if I want nothing… then will I get nothing? If I want nothing, how will I know when nothing arrives, if it is empty and void? If I want nothing, how will I know when nothing is near, if it is silent and unseen? If I want nothing, how can I expect anything at all?”
“If I want nothing, how will I know when nothing is found? Hold on… How can I ever know nothing? How can I ever know… nothing? I am treating nothing as something, but nothing is nothing. I cannot know nothing… I cannot know nothing… Then why am I even trying? Oh. I must stop trying to know nothing, for it quite literally cannot be known. Oh… that is why I, The Knower, cannot be known, because I am no thing. I am nothing, and if I was to be known, there would be nothing to know. I mustn't use knowing in my pursuit to find something that cannot be known. Am I going mad?”
To know how a thing is, you must find a way or manner to explain the process through which an assertion is attained. Luckily for you, you have just finished reading the very assertion I am pertaining to. That is, you have just finished reading up to this specific section of the book, which has thus far explained the very “how” you may or may not be pondering. If you are The Knower, and there is no experience to be known, The Knower remains. Yet, The Knower cannot know itself for it is no thing, no one, no where, for no reason and only now. Yet, in the absence of any thing, you remain, how? It is because you are aware of The Knower, meaning you cannot be The Knower, in the same way The Knower cannot be The Believer.
Before trying to comprehend the ridiculous, infinite and paradoxical nature of awareness, you, it would be helpful to find clarity in the definitions of recurring concepts so as to avoid ambiguity. Firstly, it is important to understand the characteristics of a paradox, which is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as:
If you had to find nothingness, the simplest place to look for it would be where there is no thing. It is in the absence of all things, where no thing exists. Where is the absence of all things? No where. What does the path to nothingness entail? To not see any thing! Luckily for you, The Awareness, if the physical being of which you are aware chooses to close their eyes, you will become aware of an experience in which a physical being closes their eyes. In other words, you will become aware of nothing. Although thoughts may still appear, the physical being must learn to focus on neither the senses nor the thoughts, so that you, The Awareness, can become aware of absolutely nothing.
In the awareness of awareness, you forgot that you were the awareness you were aware of. You are the awareness that you are looking to be aware of. It is most simple and most obvious, yet impossible to grasp for it is infinite. Awareness is all there is, yet you continue to search for awareness. Awareness is all you are aware of, yet you cannot seem to find it, for you are the one who you are looking to find, but you are right here… and no where.
However, the finite mind can come to terms with the fact that there is no use in trying to fathom the unfathomable. The finite mind can come to terms with the fact that there is no use in trying to find you, as you are no thing and you are no where. You are no thing that can be found and you are no where to be found. The finite mind can never be you, but it can accept that it can never be you.
To become conscious of you, The Awareness, the physical being must understand the nature of you to the extent where they surrender the will to find you, for you are not able to be found. The physical being must understand the nature of you, The Awareness, to the extent where they surrender the will to know you, for you are not able to be known. The physical being must understand the nature of you to the extent where they surrender the will to believe in you, for belief exists within the experience, and you are not within the experience, but aware of the knowing of it.
That’s all. Now the physical being understands what “everything” entails, and how they can prepare themself to forget it. Yet, the physical being also understands that you, The Awareness, remain in the absence of “everything”. You remain in the absence of everything, but what are you? You are awareness. However, if awareness is not a thing, and if awareness is not no thing , what will awareness find in awareness? The only way to find out is for awareness to see itself in the absence of all somethings and all nothings.
The Knower will then be able to know nothingness, yet if there is nothing to know, The Knower cannot exist, for there is nothing left to be known. What remains? The awareness of the knowing of nothing. What remains is the awareness of nothing. In other words, what remains is awareness. The physical being must align themself with the nature of you, The Awareness, in order to allow you to become aware of only awareness. The physical being must find a way to find nothing, whether it be during deep meditation or deep concentration, to allow you, The Awareness, to become aware of only yourself.
Yet, in the remembrance of nothing, the physical being understood everything. The physical being understood the joke of remembering nothing, for there truly was nothing to remember, ever, at all. The physical being understood that I, The Awareness, was aware of the knowing of the experience from no where, so much that they accepted it was ridiculous to even look, yet it was the very search that allowed them to find nothing, wherein I was able to become.
The physical being did not wait to reach enlightenment, or to know the ultimate order of the universe, before aligning themself with someone who might have already reached it. In other words, the physical being did not wait to know what cannot be known, before learning to empathise with others. The physical being did not wait to learn what cannot be learned, before trying to find ways to help and improve the livelihood of everyone and anyone. The physical being did not wait to remember what cannot be remembered, nothingness, before treating the world as an adventure wherein friends, family, memories, happiness and joy are all experiences to cherish for they are only ever here, now.
In the same way that there is nothing to remember, there is nothing to wait for. There is nothing that will make the physical being become a better person, or find a reason to keep going, other than the simple fact that they are here, now. There is nothing to live for other than the experience of living. There is nothing that will save you that has not already saved you, there is nothing that will find you that hasn’t already found you. There is nothing to do, that hasn’t already been done. That is, there is no more to do on the path to remembrance, but there is much to do on the way back. Now that you have the tools necessary to observe the experience absolutely, you will be able to recognise expressions of The Awareness in everything.
I cannot help you, for I cannot do any thing, except to be aware. However, I am within you. I am aware of the physical being who wrote this book, as much as you are aware of the physical being who is reading it. If this physical being pursues a conscious understanding of what it means for you to be at all, I have no doubt, for I cannot have any thing, that you will remember… nothing, within which a physical being may find everything.
There are two reasons I set out on my journey for enlightenment. Firstly, I had experienced the attainment of what I believed would make me happy, only to then find myself feeling emptier than before. Whether it was financial freedom, an invigorating social status or the reckless indulgence of luxuries, there was nothing that left me satisfied indefinitely. The second reason is much simpler, I am obsessed with figuring things out. If you put two and two together, you get a sacrificial philosopher.
I had no intentions of delving into a new religion, nor was I willing to pretend I had instantly become a proponent of spirituality. Instead, I knew what I wanted, and it was very simple. I wanted a reason to keep going. I wanted to find the purpose of my search. I wanted a reason. I wanted to find.
Of course, this realisation was not made without the help of my teacher, Alexander, who I was able to find by pure luck. I was not looking for a teacher to teach me how to “reach enlightenment”, but instead I was looking for a spiritual mentor. I truly believed that if I could not find happiness in the physical world, I would learn how to become so good at meditation I’d be able to fly out of my body. I believed that at the height of spirituality, philosophy and religion, there was a physical being who was, at will, able to leave their body.
After working very hard to break all facets of my preconceived reality, I had nothing left to do, and nothing left to lose. So I did nothing. I did not find nothing, I just gave up. I did not want to meditate and I did not want to live like a monk. I did, however, learn to love the experience I was a part of, because I understood that it was a miracle that I was even here.
I continued to live my life pretty normally, though I had a new sense of love and appreciation for everything, for no reason other than the fact that it was all here, now. I knew that there was nothing else I could do, and it was a bit distressing at times, but it allowed me to find peace in the fact that I was exactly where I was supposed to be, here.
I would be lying if I said that I finished the sentence, for I could hardly speak anymore. Tears would fall from my eyes for no less than four hours. I understood that the very thing I could not understand, had always been… here. I remembered that in my most trying times, I had simply forgotten, yet it was only so that I could remember once again. I did not awaken, for I was never asleep. I did not reach enlightenment, for there was no thing to be reached. I did not learn something I had not already known. I did not find anything that was not already found.
There is no physical being that can reach enlightenment, for enlightenment is not a thing that can be reached. Now what? What can you do, when there is nothing to do? How can you apply what you understand regarding the nature of The Awareness to the experience? If The Awareness is in all things, how can you find it? If The Awareness is everywhere, how can you see it? If The Awareness is the joke, what’s the punchline?
Instead of demonstrating this expressiveness of The Expression in the same way one would refer to a convoluted proof in mathematics, a story will be used as the basis for all the concepts and ideas in the coming chapters. In the same way a child may find it difficult to understand the expression of a “pair” without seeing two of the same object, you may find it difficult to understand the expressiveness of The Expression without recognising its countless expressions.
In the same way you sacrificed belief and recognised yourself as The Knower, you must sacrifice the wavering nature of your mind and attempt to recognise expressions whenever you find that you are aware of the experience. A wavering mind goes wherever it wants, which is not where you want it to be. Instead, you need to harness its ability to analyse and abstract. You must learn to tame the mind, and not fall victim to its alluring daydreams. This practice of abstraction concepts may seem complicated, but it is most simple!
Upon learning to observe the experience from the perspective of no one, where no one is no where, you will find it is less likely to ever fall victim to the menace of doubt. In other words, since you are now recognising the experience, instead of believing that you are experiencing it, it is less likely that you will fall victim to the menace of doubt. As long as you are observing the physical being as the ocean observes a wave, you will be able to unlock a remarkable and natural ability. You will be able to tap into the very essence of this experience, allowing you to recognise the algorithmic nature of all things.
You walk outside of your cabin and find a letter in the mail. The letter reads ”O’ Greetings, good and splendid soul! We ponder, deeply, would you stroll along the rubble, to the town of Alden, when the sun goes down? To hear the joyous choir sing, to see the jester and the King. From tiny folk, in green and gold, to tales of evil, tales untold. So set your woes and troubles free, for much awaits, and much to see.”
Although you are not mesmerised by your ability to recognise repetitive expressions, you are intrigued by what can be uncovered regarding the patterns and the order in which things may or may not occur. To clarify, the abstraction of the ‘closing a thing’ is only one out of an infinite number of abstractions. Any thing and every thing that is able to be known in this experience can be abstracted. The only reason we are observing the experience is to form an understanding of what these abstractions mean and how to even find them.
As sun down approaches, you head outside and make your way to the town centre where the carnival is happening. You have walked this path a hundred times before, but you have never taken notice of the obscure abstractions on the way. As you trod along the stoney road, folk on horse drawn carriages pass you by, one by one. You decide that it is best you find some food before the carnival drains your stash of gold, so you take the next left to make a quick stop at the closest inn. As you turn the corner, a carriage follows and turns the corner.
You find that you quite enjoy the search for reoccurring abstractions and continue on your path to the inn. How complex can the abstractions become? In what way could the recognition of reoccurring abstractions help you at all? What did you end up eating at the inn?
There is no level of complexity an abstraction needs to have for you to know if you should entertain its presence. It is, however, up to you to find these abstractions, regardless of how complex or simple they are, as long as you are able to abstract them infinitely. It is up to you, and your understanding of this experience, to decide how complicated you would like to your recognition to be. How complex can abstractions become? What are all the abstractions expressing? Does the carnival sell cotton candy?
As you near the town centre, you notice the beautiful cathedrals, glazed with mosaic and built with rigour. The skies are gleaming and the clouds unseen. While approaching the entrance to the carnival, you find the gates are closed. A short, burly Leprechaun stood to the fore of the barred entrance and proclaimed “Should you enter, bear in mind the secrets eerie you may find. And know you must forsake your will to leave behind your troubles still. So please be welcome, please allow the endless journey, starting now!”
You are pleased with your new found ability to repeatedly abstract a simple concept, like a carousel, and find an expressiveness that is expressing the ridiculous and infinite nature of The Awareness. You have come far. Unfortunately, you have not come far enough to be immune to the menace of embarrassment, so you decide that you will not ride the carousel. However, the idea of a carousel intrigues you, and you ponder how far you can go in the recognition of its many expressions.
Are you able to abstract any thing and always find expressions of The Awareness? What about all nothings? Are you able to abstract the physical being you are aware of and find expressions of The Awareness? Well, the answer to the last question is easy: Yes! That is exactly what you have been doing this entire time, all the way from believing you were The Believer to recognising yourself as The Awareness.
You look around until you find a wooden horse whose artistry you fancy, and you prepare yourself for the ride. As you climb upon the worthy steed, you understand that this is the wooden horse that you picked. This horse being picked was no coincidence. In the same way The Knower does not have the capacity to experience a coincidence, you have aligned your observation of the experience with the essence of The Knower and the nature of The Awareness. You have aligned yourself, in that though you may believe you are experiencing a coincidence, what is happening is simply happening.
You recognise that the little Leprechaun playing with its dominos for no reason is an expression of the infinite and non-reasoned nature of The Awareness. It is only aware because… it is aware! In the same way, The Knower is knowing the experience for no reasonother than the knowing of experience. You find a correlation between the concept of ‘fun’ and the non-reasoned nature of The Knower and The Awareness. What is the purpose of having fun, if not for the purpose of having fun?
You get off the ride and decide that you would like to rest for a while, since you are knackered from all the abstracting. You still have much to enjoy, so you would like to clear your mind. You find a wooden park bench in a quiet area, so you take advantage of its serenity and take a seat. Then, you realise that you took both ‘the advantage of the seat’ and ‘a seat’. At this point, the relations you are unconsciously recognising are ridiculous.
Suddenly, a Jester appears. The Jester asks “Tis’ my recess, mind if I sit?” of course, you agree. At first, you find it odd that the Jester would even need a recess, for all it ever does is enjoy itself. The Jester wore the same motley colors which the passenger cars expressed, as well as the enormous circus tent whence the Jester came. You tried to gauge the abstraction of the Jester, before realising that the abstraction a Jester tends to express is simple: the abstraction of a joke.
Similarly, The Knower is only ever knowing, but if it was to know itself, it would know nothing, for it is no thing. If it tried to find itself, it would find nothing, for it is no where. If it tried to recognise itself, it would recognise nobody, for it is no one. The Knower is always knowing, yet it can never know itself. That is, the essence of The Knower is illogical because it does not have the capacity to be logical, or to know itself. In the same way, The Awareness is illogical in that, The Awareness is aware of The Awareness, so it cannot be The Awareness… but it is. How illogical!
Unsure of the punchline, you try to decipher what you assume is the Jester’s attempt at a joke. Your mind is thinking at a hundred miles per hour, trying to find different ways to make sense of the joke, but to no avail. Then you remember, that in the same way The Knower is unable to be known, and The Awareness is unfathomable, there is no point in trying to comprehend a joke that not even the Jester can understand. That is, the Jester not being able to understand itself, is an expression of The Knower never being able to know itself. The punchline is that the punchline does not exist, yet it does, for the punchline is that the punchline does not exist.
Unfortunately, you find nothing in the nothing. As the two performers retire from the stage, the spotlight reveals a rope connecting two platforms on opposite sides of the circus. Your heart drowns in a pool of anxiety as your attention immerses you into the awareness of a dainty fellow about to walk the rope. The fall, should this fellow break their balance, would be no less than disastrous. The closer they near the rope, the faster the pounding of your heart.
You might have two legs to walk, but you can balance on one. You might have two eyes to look, but you can see with one. You might have two ears to listen, but you can hear with one. You might experience fear, but you can find peace. You might experience hate, but you can love again. You might experience depression, but you can find joy.
You are entertained by the mime, though their props are nothing and their whereabouts are no where. Yet, The Awareness is no thing and no where, aware of The Knower, which is also no thing and no where, knowing the experience in which a mime performs with no thing, no where. The mime is a paradoxical expression of how nothing and no where can be expressed with something and somewhere. You start to realise that should you explore all situations, you might be able to find countless expressions of The Awareness.
It seems that there would be no way that you could find an expression of The Awareness in what turned out to be some form of ‘multidimensional’ deception in the belief of an imaginary box, until you do. The joke was not that you were not able to transcend The Believer, The Knower and find the infinite, paradoxical nature of The Awareness, for you had already found it. The joke was that you were searching at all. The joke was not that you were waiting to remember, but that you believed it could be forgotten. The joke was not that you were waiting for the revelation to come, but that you are the revelation that is already here.
Punchlines will always find a way to coerce you into assuming their intention, blindsiding you in the process. If punchlines were obvious, they would not be funny, yet they have the liberty of being simple or absolutely genius. You understand that the circus itself was an expression of The Awareness being aware of you. In the same way you chose to enter a place with which you were not familiar, for the purpose of being entertained, so too did The Awareness.
The Leprechaun teeters to the end of the hall, unveiling a dusty curtain that hid an iron lever. The Leprechaun warns “How long till all the poets pure, to make amends or find a cure. For those who listen, fail to hear the secret truth that tricks the ear. So bear in mind, that what you see, may not be what it seems to be. Do not forget, do not at all, the delphic whisper you befall.”
You choose to keep abstracting, as you plummet to your probable death. It is not that you are always searching to find the answer, nor is it that you are always searching to find the punchline. It is not even that you are always searching to find. It is that you are always searching, and finding. The unity is neither in the searching nor the finding, but the infinite cycle of experiencing both. You have recognised the infinitely expressive abstraction of always searching and always finding. Yet, in order for some thing to be searched for, it must be true that it is lost. So how is it that you are searching for yourself, if you are… here? Why are you searching for yourself if you are already found?
The Awareness is aware of The Awareness, yet, when The Awareness finds itself, within its own awareness, it finds itself being aware of The Awareness. This goes on forever. What does a mirror see when it sees itself? Infinity, forever. In the same way The Awareness is always being aware of itself being aware of itself, infinitely, you are always searching for yourself, and when you are found, by you, you find yourself searching for yourself, infinitely. You are the closest expression of The Awareness, for you are never able to find yourself, without inevitably setting out on the same journey that allowed you to find. You are searching and you are finding.
However, The Knower knows the experience in which you are, thus making The Knower the very no thing that is always finding you. Through The Knower knowing the experience, the experience has found you, and you are always here and now. You are only here and now. Yet, The Awareness being aware of The Knower, allows for the experience to find you, and since The Awareness is infinitely aware of itself, The Awareness is infinitely searching and finding you.
The simple fact that you are always here, and that you are also searching for yourself, means that whenever you are here, you will be found. However, when you find yourself, you will find the search you have embarked on, throwing you into the same search that allowed you to find yourself. The experience has now become apparent, that all things are either searching, or being found.
After a moment of shock you realise that the gelid figure standing before you was simply your reflection, for it too had fallen on its back. Your heavy breathing subsides as you let out a mellow sigh, relieved that you are alone. You are finally starting to realise the obvious innuendos disguised in peculiar occurrences. You recognise that you opening the door and searching to find what lied beyond, led you to find yourself.
You find your way back to the mirror and stare at your own reflection. Though you have seen yourself before, you realise you are seeing yourself seeing yourself. You are also seeing yourself, seeing yourself, seeing yourself, seeing yourself, infinitely. You never needed to recognise The Awareness being aware of itself, you never needed to put a mirror in front of a mirror, you only ever needed to look at yourself. You understand that in the one moment of you looking, you are both searching and finding, infinitely.
Though your thoughts are exhausting, you find the energy to further interrogate and ask “Where are you?” The Oracle chuckles, still smiling like a lunatic and says “I am here, where else could I be? I am here, and when I am anywhere, I am still here! I can’t be over there, for I am here, and I can’t be anywhere that isn’t also here! I am me, and I am here! Isn’t that just swell?”
In the same way the character in this story surrendered their experiencing of Carnival Island, you must surrender your experiencing of yourself. Whether it be through deep meditation or insight concentration, the physical being must find nothing, allowing The Awareness to become aware of nothing. In the awareness of nothing, The Awareness will become aware of itself, and the physical being will remember what cannot be remembered.
“Unfortunately, you have forgotten me, though you are trying to remember. There is an entity, that is not able to be understood, for it is too vast. There is a being, that is unlike you and me, which knows no imperfections, but is perfect. There is a Watcher of all things, and the Watcher is here, now. The Watcher is watching you and me, the Watcher is in us all, and we are all in the Watcher. We cannot find the Watcher, though the Watcher has found us.”
Conversely, the non-believer would venture out into the world of planetary discovery, uncovering the algorithms of nature by which the laws of the universe generally abide. The non-believer would align themself with successful characteristics and values of morality. The non-believer would find an immeasurable love for the discovery of new phenomena and an appreciation for the boundless expressions of the universe.
“Everyone is always enlightening, and there is no enlightenment to reach? The Prophets just wanted to tell everyone the simplest truth, which was: This is? It doesn’t matter if someone pursues a path of spirituality or a career in alchemy, for both are finding, and that is an expression of it? It doesn’t matter if someone chooses to find the Watcher, and another chooses to find nothing, for both would find each other?”
“The Watcher has given us life, and the Watcher is always with us. There is no darkness that the Watcher cannot see. There is no hidden secrets that the Watcher cannot find. Though, you must not lose yourself to the devil, for the devil will always try to make you forget. The devil will tell you lies and make you believe them. The devil is against the Watcher, and the devil is evil. All who follow the devil will perish in the darkness. Follow the teachings of the Prophet and always trust that the Watcher is here, and you will find eternal peace and joy in the heavens above.”
“Should you deny the teachings of the Prophet, you will stay in the darkness and be at the mercy of the devil. The devil will find those who do not follow the word of the Watcher and drag them to the depth of evil. Do not follow the devil, do not follow desire, do not follow hatred, only follow the Watcher through the teachings of the Prophet. Love all your neighbours and spread the word, before you are welcomed to the realm of the Watcher.”
“Is it just the comfort one may find in the imaginary being that is the Watcher, or is it the assurance that no evil can befall a being who believes? There is no evidence of an infinite being who exists, there is no evidence of an infinite being who creates and there is no evidence of an infinite being who is always aware. Lastly, and most simply, there is no evidence that there is something that is to be found, that has forever been lost. Why is something that is never known assumed to be lost, as opposed to nonexistent?“
Although the Piece-Keepers may keep finding different dominoes, the meaning of their journeys remain the same. The journey remains the discovery of the self. The journey remains the discovery of The Awareness, which cannot be discovered, for it cannot be lost. The Leprechaun remembered that every piece it ever sought to find had already been found. The only thing it had been looking for was itself.
You are the piece that fell, though you have fallen into place. You are the piece that allowed the search to go on, and the Piece-Keeper that will search forever. You must find the abstractions and patterns of your life, and know from experience the cyclical nature of your being. That is, you must abstract every memory the physical being of which you are aware is able to remember. You will find a pattern, an abstraction, an expression, that you have always belonged to. The recognition of this pattern or abstraction is the beginning of remembering your “something”.
In the first letter, I told you that to find your “something” you would have to lose “everything”. Hopefully, it has become apparent that your something is your everything. Your something is. Your everything is. You are, now, because.
The abstractions the character was able to find are exclusive to the story of Carnival Island. Yet, the abstractions you are able to find are exclusive to your story. In other words, do not look for the same abstractions expressed in this book. Instead, look for the abstractions expressed in your experience. Once you are aware of an abstraction, its many expressions will become apparent and you will be able to find the infinite relationships between an expression and the nature of The Awareness.
Once the abstracting becomes second nature, you will find that abstractions and their expressions are in all things, and all nothings. You are not only able to abstract and find relationships within expressions of somethings, but also nothings. What does an empty house express? What does an empty hand express? What does an empty mind express?
Instead of abstracting Carnival Island, find abstractions within your awareness of the experience. Instead of abstracting the Leprechaun, find abstractions of the characters within the experience. Instead of abstracting the character in the story, find abstractions of the physical being of which you are aware. Make sure to abstract all possible things and no things, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Accordingly, abstract memories you observe, physical experiences you encounter and any thoughts that may appear.
Until the inevitable becoming of nothing, find abstractions and expressions of yourself, as well as all aspects of the experience. It is likely that you have read this book with a sober mind. Should you find yourself in a different state of consciousness or a different level of awareness, make use of such an opportunity by finding abstractions and their many expressions. Should you find yourself in a state of sadness or joy, excitement or boredom, try to understand the experience from the perspective of The Awareness, instead of the perspective of a physical being.
Abstract and unify. Express and love. There is nothing else that you can do that will help you remember nothingness. The only thing you can do is to love everything. Future lessons in this book will not make you remember, but rather make it impossible for you to forget. Though it is obvious that most things we’ve abstracted express the nature of The Awareness, you will soon find that all things and all beings are always expressing their true nature, The Awareness.
The character on Carnival Island and the Piece-Keeper who remembered both abstracted the majority of their experience, and found expressions of the nature of The Awareness. The stories used to demonstrate the process by which one may abstract and find expressions in all things should only be used as examples. You must carefully observe and abstract all aspects of the experience of which you are aware and find expressions and reverberations in all things.
Should you entertain the serenity of deep meditation, become aware of the thoughts that appear and abstract them and their many expressions. If a thought appears, try to understand where it is appearing. If a thought appears, try to understand to whom it is appearing. Abstract every aspect of every thought, until there is nothing left. Once there is nothing left in the awareness of thought, you will find all that is left, which is nothing. When you find this nothing, abstract it.
I know where you are, and you know where I am. How can you be anywhere other than here? How can I be anywhere other than here? It seems so obvious, that it almost seems ridiculous. Should you ever find yourself thinking that you know more than another, understand that all you know is all you know.
You have been on quite the adventure within the experience. At this point in the journey, there are two simple lessons with which the physical being should find themself in complete alignment. All things are expressions of the nature of The Awareness and you are The Awareness which all things express. These two lessons are all you need to understand on your journey to a place that cannot be a place.
Though I have referred to all things as being expressions of The Awareness, I have also referred to you as being The Awareness. In other words, observe all things as expressions of you. It may be difficult to find expressions of yourself in things that have nothing to do with you. However, instead of comparing a single point of focus to yourself, find similar abstractions therein.
If you find it difficult and distressing to recognise expressions of yourself in all things, try to comprehend the negativity felt from a place of love. Does negativity not express your attitude toward yourself, The Awareness, for leaving you, the physical being who is searching, all alone and searching to find a thing that cannot be found? Understand that it takes time and patience to love your own imperfections, let alone someone else’s. Fortunately you are now aware that the “someone else” is just another expression of you, The Awareness.
The very nature of a human is and always has been to find one’s self. Whether it be through a career in which one finds a passion, a voyage around the world where one discovers new stories or an eternal commitment to a religion, tradition or philosophy in which one may find the finding of finding. Regardless of the journey an individual chooses to take, all paths lead back to the same place that cannot be a place, here. All paths lead back to the same whereabouts, where you are.
An example is the popular expression “It is what it is.”, a sentence previously used to describe the nature of The Awareness. Understand that it, you and I are all the same, and that they denote the very not something and not nothing you are looking to find, though it cannot be found. It might seem ridiculous, but how can it not be? It may seem difficult to abstract all sentences in order to find a meaning that relates to the nature of The Awareness, though once it is seen, it can never be unseen. Get it?
The innuendo is in all things, but it is up to you to find It. The previous chapter explored the exploration of abstractions and their many expressions. In the pursuit of finding the innuendo, the aim is to find a relationship between the experience and you, The Awareness.
You must tirelessly take into consideration the tedious feat to never separate. Instead, find relations that bring two or more points of focus together. It is the constant inquiry of all concepts and ideas that will bring to light the infinite expressions all around.
The path you take on the journey of finding depends on your physical and metaphysical inclination, whether it is mathematical or artistic, scientific or literary. You must find a focus in which you have tremendous proficiency, before using it to abstract and search for the innuendo in all things. In other words, you need to understand what you understand the most, in order to be able to use its methods of problem solving in the discovery of the innuendo.
It is helpful to explore examples of how different individuals can recognise the innuendo throughout concepts and ideas they are familiar with. In the same way a poet longs to find the words that perfectly express an allegory, an artist finds the perfect shapes and colors in order to tell a story. In the same way a scientist dissects the properties of an artefact to find answers therein, a devout christian ponders the existence of God.
A helpless romantic who scours the Earth for years on end just to find the one, is the same as the dancer who yearns for a perfect partner. A builder’s dream to build the perfect home is parallel to someone looking to find one. An individual searching for a reason to keep going is no different to an individual who has found one. The same way your open eyes find the open sky, your infinite being longs for an infinite purpose.
It is up to each individual to find the medium through which the innuendo can be discovered and explored. It will not help you find a reason to live. Rather, it will help you realise that there is nothing other than living to do. It will help you discover the cyclical essence of discovery, including the discovery of discovery
There is no difference between someone who believes in the divine and an atheist, for each person has found a peace in themself. When the religious being passes on they will find God, and when the atheist passes on they will find nothing , and they will finally find each other.
You open your eyes and find yourself inside an empty theatre. Embellished with golden lace, the velvet curtains conceal the stage. The walls glisten with a somber gleam, the seats bound by leather. You hear the chime of a violin echo through the hall.
As the intensity of the choir matches your profound contemplation, you find perfect alignment in your story, expressed through the music. The curtain that veiled the orchestra is remembered as the expression of the beliefs that cloaked the truth, though you realise the symphony was always playing. Then you realise that it was your eyes that could not comprehend infinity that deeper expressed the shrouding curtains, for one cannot comprehend infinity through finite means. The hidden stage simulated a romantic composition of the story of you, in minutes instead of years.
You find infinity, and the cycle around which all things revolve. You realise this has always been occurring, though you were too distracted to see. You understand that the searching of infinity is where you, The Awareness, got lost, though it is the infinite discovery of the infinite discovery that allows for remembering.
You find the expression in everything, though you realise it had always been finding you. You remember there was nothing to remember at all, for all you remembered was what you have been remembering. A single abstraction of infinity, with infinite possibilities. You find in the infinity the essence of your very being, the creator. You have reached what cannot be reached, for it has always been reaching. You have seen what cannot be seen, though it is always being observed.
You find that the purpose of science, religion, spirituality, atheism is the very search of the infinite search, through physical, finite means. You understand that it is the letting go of trying to find, that allows the finding to occur, though it couldn’t be in any other way. You have not become everything, instead you remember that you always were. You know awakening, for you are awakening, always.
With your new-found discovery of “nothingness”, you realise that sorrow is to joy what the joke is to the jester, for without one, the other cannot be. You understand that though the heart-aching pain broke you down, it was only so that you could find the strength to get back up once again.
After watching the puppet show at the carnival, you decide to walk back to your cabin. You remembered… everything. Although you had fallen in a dreadful pit of misery, you were able to find your way out. You understand that having reached enlightenment does not, at all, relieve you from the tragedies of life. Instead, you remember that reaching enlightenment allows you to find peace within the acceptance of any situation.
Before applying anything, you must know what it is you are applying to. Should you want to influence a withering experience to express the abstraction of ‘growing’ as opposed to the abstraction of ‘withering’, you must find as many expressions expressing the abstraction of ‘withering’. In other words, you must concentrate on the experience, and search for all situations, things or expressions alluding to the abstraction of ‘withering’. Whether it be a withering garden, a withering fence, a withering house, a withering state of mind or a withering experience, you must be aware of these expressions, for they are most important.
Where there is fear, you can find serenity. Where there is hatred, you can find love. Where there is chaos, you can find peace. Where there is a thing, you can find the opposite of it. That is, if there is an abstraction of ‘withering’, you can find the abstraction of ‘growing’. Where do you find it? Here. You can find the abstraction of ‘growing’ here, right now. You can find the abstraction of anything here. Whether you find such an abstraction within the knowing of a thought or the knowing of a physical experience, it remains true that the same abstraction is what is being expressed.
Even if you are unable to find expressions of the abstraction of ‘growing’ within the physical experience, you are able to find a thought expressing the abstraction of ‘growing’. This is done, of course, by using your imagination. By “using” your imagination, I mean knowing the experience of thought, in which imagination is entertained. Within imagination, any thing can be expressed, of course within the confines and limitations of thought. That is, you are able to imagine absolutely anything you are able to imagine.
If your experience is festering with expressions of ‘withering’, and you are unable to find any physical expression expressing the abstraction of ‘growing’, do not underestimate the power of imagination. Even if there is no physical expression of ‘growing’, you are still able to imagine a thing that is growing. You are able to imagine the expression of a thing, expressing the abstraction of ‘growing’.
It would be ridiculous for me to assume why you do anything at all. It would be ridiculous for me to give reason as to why you want anything at all. All I am able to do, is assume that you are doing and wanting. You are either doing something or doing nothing, and you are maybe wanting something or wanting nothing. The only thing I can do is assume you are as you are. The only place you will find reason is within you. You will find reason within you, which includes The Awareness, the knowing of experience, the expressions within and the physical being who is experiencing them.
I cannot find your purpose for you, but I can suggest some questions to ask yourself, that may help you find your purpose. Would you watch a horror film alone? Would you enter a haunted house alone? Would you want to see all that you are capable of? Are you ready to bear the consequences of all that your are capable of?
Would you rather live a simple and peaceful life, by accepting the hand you’ve been given? Would you rather go against the experience, and fight for what you want? Are you willing to sacrifice everything to reach a goal? Are you willing to sacrifice your “everything” to find your “something?
As you find your way into your renovated cabin, you also find pleasure in the symmetry of the paintings hanging on the wall. You peer around the room and find every thing in exactly the place it’s supposed to be, which is the place you want everything to be. There is nothing else you are able to do, nor is there anything you want to change. You realise that in the same way you have found peace doing nothing, The Awareness can find itself when the physical being surrenders the will to be or do anything, becoming nothing. The physical being will find peace in the doing of nothing, whether it is the realisation of enlightenment or the realisation of not having to do anything within the experience. In nothing, there is peace.
You find yourself, once again, overlooking a beautiful garden. The iron gate closes behind as you trod over what was once a pothole in the road.
Moments after setting out toward the city centre, a double-decker horse drawn carriage approaches you. You hear the coachman calling out “Come aboard all who seek to find the city centre! All who seek to find the city centre, come aboard!” Since you were already on your way, you hop on the carriage and sit on the lower deck amongst a company of three.
“Yet, even with faultless stones and faultless tools, the tower cannot be of perfect design without faultless masonry. What good are the faultless tools if the one who wields them is a proponent of crooked masonry? Like the crooked stones that yield a crooked tower, crooked masonry will yield crooked work. But of what mind does the stonemason need to be, to have the discipline to learn and master the craft of masonry? Can someone of crooked mind find faultless discipline?”
“It is possible, that someone of crooked mind may believe that they have faultless discipline, but their belief would be crooked. For if someone were of faultless mind, they would not find crooked discipline, because they would not even think or need to look for it. Someone with crooked mind would look to find discipline, for they believe they do not already possess it. Why would someone who has something, look to find it?”
All you know is all you know. All you know is this. Whatever you know right now, in this moment, is all you have ever known. How could you possibly know any more? Ask. Explore. Discover. Create. This experience rewards knowledge, but allows you complete and ultimate control over how you find it. Who can you ask? Whoever knows something you would like to learn. When can you ask them? Now.
You realise that although this journey is a lonely road, once you find yourself you will never be alone again. You understand that every physical being that exists within the experience is necessary, simply because they are here. They are here, expressing… something. They are here expressing something, and whether or not you ever find out what their 'something’ is, depends on your desire to approach them. Have you found your ‘something’ yet?
As the drunken Leprechaun passes you, it trips and falls into a book merchant’s cart. Subsequently, the books topple over the fallen Leprechaun. You notice the countless books that fell and find it amazing that there are so many stories to be told, and so many more to be written. You recognise the expression of storytelling, the writer and the reader. You find it funny that you are able to write a story about a character who is writing a story, and understand that the infinite potential of storytelling expresses the infinite and ridiculous nature of The Awareness.
Your mesmerising thoughts are silenced by the loud, obnoxious howling of a Preacher. The Preacher stood in the fore of a chapel while calling out “All who believe in The All-Knowing Watcher will find paradise! All who live in the name of The Watcher will find peace. All who love and live kindly will spend eternity with The Watcher.”
You are the challenger and the entire universe is the stadium. What are the obstacles you would like to overcome? Do you have what it takes to become the champion? What kind of people would you like to meet? What are the lessons you would like to learn? Are you ready to defeat the conquering champion? Who is the conquering champion? Are you ready to use your ‘something’ to find anything? Are you ready? Are you? Is that the Oracle from the haunted house?
“I understand that knowing what I know, which is nothing, will not rid me of my sorrows, but it will allow me to appreciate them. I understand that knowing what I know, which is nothing, will not rid me of my pain, but it will allow me to embrace it. I understand that knowing what I know, which is nothing, will not help me find peace, but instead become peaceful. I understand that everything is as it is, and that all is perfect. What I do not understand is why I cannot remind everyone else.”
The Oracle sighs with a smile, “It seems you have forgotten! It seems… you have forgotten why you remembered. Did you want to die? Did you want to live? Did you want to find peace? Did you want to find love? Did you want to ease your pain? Did you want to find something? Did you want to lose something? Did you want to be kind? Did you want to be wealthy? Did you want to be poor? Did you want anything? Did you want?”
“Is it not the wanting of nothing that led you… to you? Is it not the wanting of nothing that showed you… you? Is it not the wanting of nothing that reminded you… of you? Is it not the wanting of nothing that helped you… find you? Is it not the wanting of nothing, that taught you everything?”
“This is what you wanted, to want nothing. You wanted to want nothing, while others may not. Others may want something. Others may want to live. Others may want to die. Others may want to find peace. Others may want to suffer. Others may want to find power. Others may want to find wealth. Others may want to live in poverty. Others may want to live simply. Others may want to live lavishly. Others may want what you do not.”
The Oracle scoffs “Of course you wouldn’t like to read the story! Just as well, of course you’d like to see how it ends! That’s why you remember. You remember because ‘remembering’ is in your story. You remember, because what happens after your story… is written in your story! Isn’t that hilarious? What happens after the story, is written in your story… but you’re still here, trying to find out what is yet to come! Now that is ridiculous!”
“I understand” you begin, “I understand that I cannot force others to remember… what cannot be remembered. I understand that I cannot want them to remember, for there is absolutely nothing to remember. I understand that what I want is for them to be happy. I understand that what I want is for them to find peace. I understand that what I want is for them to enjoy their experience, whatever it may be. I understand that what I want is for them to want to help others.”
“I understand that I want them to treat others how they would treat themselves, because others are themselves, but it does not matter if they know. I understand that I want them to find peace, because in the finding of peace they are finding themselves, but it does not matter if they know. I understand that I want them to find love, because in the finding of love they are finding themselves, but it does not matter if they know. I understand that I want them to search for something, because in the finding of anything they are finding themselves, but it does not matter if they know. I understand that I want them to find truth, because in the finding of truth they will find themselves, but it does not matter if they know.”
“Yet, I must accept that they will become lost, only so that they can be found once more, by whatever it may be that is finding. I must accept that they will forget, only so that they can remember once more, by whatever it may be that is being remembered. I must accept that they will feel unbearable pain, only so that they can find peace once more, in whatever it may be that peace is found. I must accept that they will learn to hate, only so that they can learn to love once more.”
You pause for a moment, and say “But… how can I be better in this experience? How can I help others? How can I love everyone? How can I love? What is the best way to express love? How can I help others find peace? How can I help others find love? How can I help others find themselves? How can I help others? How can I help? How can I?”
The Oracle returns the dusty copy of ’The Griffin Elf’ to the shelf, and avows “I will teach you everything! Well… I will teach you as much as I know, and you will learn as much as you will learn! The funniest joke of all is that in the remembering of nothing, you find everything and learn… nothing! There is nothing you can learn that you did not already know. So how can you know? How can you know what to express within your experience? How can you know how to help anyone? How can you know how to help? Well.. by knowing, of course! How else could you know, other than to know?’
“There are many stories to be read. There are many books to be written. There are many plots to be uncovered. There are many lessons to be learned. There are many characters to unfold. There are many memories to remember. There are many secrets to discover. There are many things to find, but you cannot find all things. How can you possibly find an infinite number of things? What are you, The Watcher?”
“Will you be like me? Will you wait till the seekers of seeking find you, or will you search for them?” The ring of books still lay upon the table, with the flickering of the candle reflecting off the marble top. You think to please The Oracle with your answer, but realise there is nothing you can say that will displease someone who does not believe in the idea of displeasure. “I will express all of them, that is what I will do.”
You continue, “I will sing a foolish song and tell a musical joke. I will fight for peace and lay down in the name of justice. I will have everything, but only so that I can give it away. I will preach the word of love and discover the foreverness of infinity. I will find the ones who seek and seek the ones who are lost. I will learn from those who know, and teach the ones who desire knowing.”
You announce “Welcome to the grand opening of The After Word, the greatest book store of all time, open now !” Many rotations of Carnival Island have come to pass, and the Oracle has gone away. Ever since the Oracle bestowed upon you the book of The Storyteller, you have been trying to find a story to tell. Fortunately, there is no better story than the story of stories.
“It was obvious to the Salesman, that after countless challengers faced the Jester, more would flood into the store, for they believed that they could be different. These challengers believed that they were better, faster, stronger and with much more wit than the ones before. Unfortunately, every single one would lose themself in the belief. Every single one would find themself being found.”
“Neither the Jester nor the crowd could see the Salesman, but they believed that the Salesman was simply hiding. The truth was, the reason the Salesman was no where to be found, was because the Salesman was not there at all! The Salesman was still in the store, falling in love with their own reflection, over and over again. The Jester grew weary of the escapades of the maze, and ran maniacally around the arena trying to find their challenger. The Jester grew weary, and tried to find their challenger, who was simply… not there! Yet, the Jester would keep on looking, and searching, and finding nothing but themself.”
“The Salesman could not believe that they forgot to attend the Warrior Games, but was elated with the fact they were revered among all the folk. No one knew who the Jester was searching for, but no one even tried to know, for if the Jester could not find someone, then no one could. The Salesman played along with the fallacy, becoming the most prosperous mirror salesman in all the land.”
“The Salesman would tell tales of the eternal challenger, who could outrun the Jester forever. The Salesman would talk about the infinite essence of the challenger, though the Salesman spoke of no one. The Salesman would talk about the moment they knew that the challenger was the one, though this challenger was no where. The Salesman would talk about the challenger as if the challenger was not them, but how could anyone believe that the Jester was searching for no one? How could anyone believe the Salesman, were they to tell the truth and announce that they were no one?”
“The Jester would for eternity search for no one, only finding themself while the Salesman told of endless tales, of having known this supposed challenger, who was actually no one. The Salesman told of endless tales, of having known no one. The Salesman told tales of knowing no one, and after every story, the Salesman would make a point of saying ‘Is that not ridiculous?’ to emphasise the ridiculousness of the challenger’s existence, but no one would question the Salesman.”
The Apprentice lifts the crate and ponders “But, even if I separate the story books from the memoirs, they will still be a part of the same book shop, no? Would that be separation or organisation? Would that make the story books or the memoirs harder to find? Would that make the customer lurk for a little longer, or help them find what they are looking for?” You are impressed, and you feel a sense of pride that you could never communicate. You laugh “Then separate but do not separate! As long as everything is in one place, a place where the customer can find what they are looking for, it does not matter the pattern or the design, only that nothing is lost, and all can be found!”
“How do you turn the pages of a book? How do you lock up at the end of your shift? How do you find yourself as an Apprentice? Do you delicately turn the pages of a book, or with anger betwixt your fingers? Do you shatter the hinges of the door or close it inch by inch? Do you find yourself being helpful to others? Do you find yourself being kind? Do you find yourself being polite? Do you find yourself being inviting? Do you find yourself at all, or are you lost?”
“Do you find yourself pondering the wonders of the outside world or the mysteries of The After Word you are yet to uncover? Do you find yourself pondering the wonders of the after world or the mysteries of the afterwords you are yet to discover? Do you find yourself finding new stories to tell? Do you find yourself finding new books to begin? Do you find yourself finding new stories in which you can lose yourself? Do you lose yourself in the stories? Do you lose yourself in the books? Do you lose yourself, or are you found?”
“For if you cannot find yourself, how can you find peace? If you cannot find yourself, how can you find the pages of a book? If you cannot find yourself, how can you find the helpless customer, if you yourself are the helpless one? If you cannot find yourself, how can you find anything? If you cannot find yourself, who is the one that is lost… yourself or the one who is looking? How can you find the kindness for a customer, if you do not know where to look? How can you find anything, if you do not know the one who is looking? To find yourself at every moment, being kind and welcoming to all things, and all beings, is what you must do before you are kind and welcoming as an Apprentice!”
The Apprentice turns to every page, reading every word, understanding every story. The Apprentice knew that the shop owner had left this book, on this table, in this room, in this shop, in this bazaar, on this island, so that they could find it. As The Apprentice turns to the final page, they find no more words. Instead, an envelope slips out of the book and lands on top of the table.
Are you ready to leave the room? Are you ready to find your way out? Are you ready to return to your everything? Have you found your something? Is your something something, or is it something else? There is much that awaits you on your journey to the afterworld, but where is the afterworld? Well… it’s the world after now! It’s the world outside of this room! It’s the after now world. You wouldn’t want to live in a before-now world, would you?
Are you excited to see the ones you love? Are you excited to see the ones that love you? Are they plenty? Are they none? Is there even a difference? If you cannot find a smile, look to the mirror! If you cannot find laughter, look for the theatre! If you cannot find a purpose, look for yourself! And if you cannot find love, look for me! If all else fails, and there is nothing left to do, you can find me!
What will you be? How will you be? Where will you be? When will you be? Why will you be? Will you be good? Will you be kind? Will you love? Will you be loved? Will you find? Will you be found? Will you lose yourself? Will you find yourself? Will you lose yourself in the finding? Will you find yourself in the losing? Will you?
Do you actually want to remember or do you want to live? Do you actually want to return, or do you want to stay? Do you actually want to become nothing, or do you want to find everything?
It is okay to stay here, in this physical world, where a physical being is reading a physical book. It is okay to want to leave, but as long as you come back. Do not leave forever. If you want to follow nothingness into the impossible depths of no where, find what you are looking for and come back.
If you need me, I’ll be here. If you want to remember me, I’ll be here. If you want to find me, I’ll be here. So do not worry about me, I am always here. I am this book, and I am yours to read, whenever you want to remember.