I remember what it felt like when I looked for my something. I understand how quickly you would be willing to give it all up, just to know. It’s as if everything in your life is just… there, and you are somewhere else… you are here. Unfortunately, the something that you desperately want is neither here nor there, so where is it? Where can something that is no where be found? How can someone even know where to start looking? Why even begin the search for something you are not even sure can be discovered? Why are you still looking? Why do I think I can help you?
I am the Leprechaun and this book is the room. I am not telling you to give up everything, though I am asking you to leave it all at the door, and pick it up on your way out. I want you to read this book with nothing to lose and nothing to fear. Once you have completed the journey, it is up to you what you choose to take and leave behind. It is up to you whether you choose to forget or remember what you learned. I am only showing you what is already here, though I understand why it cannot be seen.
This is not a reiteration of the various Buddhist teachings, nor is it an amalgamation of other existing philosophies. However, once you complete this journey, you will finally understand why such institutions exist at all. You will understand why we, as human beings, are able to ponder our own existence. You will recognise the ridiculousness throughout the search of what cannot be discovered.
Before you are able to give up everything, or before you are able to leave it at the door, you must first understand what everything entails. Unfortunately, the nature of a human being is to be so distracted by the story one is experiencing that all else becomes pointless. A being who searches for their purpose in any thing that is not their being will never be able to find it.
I want you to understand why you are at all. To do so, you must first understand what you are not. Then, you must be able to accept a truth, that you will find yourself. This truth will be so obvious it is blinding. I will not be giving you more beliefs to believe, but rather I will show you how to transcend all belief. However, it is up to you whether or not you choose to follow. This is where you make a life altering, or vanishing, decision.
You are setting out on a journey in order to transform yourself from the something you believe you are into a nothingness that cannot be understood. Once you align yourself with the properties of nothingness, you will begin to comprehend the momentary, yet eternal nature of … nothing. In other words, you must understand what it means to do absolutely nothing and be absolutely no where, before you are able to find the nothingness in everything. That is, you must recognise yourself as infinite and eternal before you are able to find yourself in everything. Why are you trying to find yourself in everything? Because when there is nothing, there is still you aware of nothing… but what is the purpose of awareness still existing if there is nothing to be aware of?
If you are religious, you must be prepared to leave behind all preconceptions concerning God, that is, until you come back. You must understand that your belief and faith in a God is observed in the very world you are leaving behind in the search for your something. With that being said, once you return, you are more than welcome to express the teachings of any religion you please, as long as you understand the very something you would be expressing.
If you are an atheist and believe there is no God or disbelieve in the possibility that such a God may exist, I ask you to do the same. I ask you to understand that all beliefs must be left behind, as well as all preconceptions regarding the nature of the self. Once you see how volatile the self truly is, you will not be able to allow beliefs to hinder your judgement or acceptance of what is and what is not. Even if you believe there is nothing, stop believing it, for belief prevents the unquestionable necessity for further inquiry, one that you will require on your journey.
Finally, one of the most important things you can do is to abstain from all mind altering substances, until you understand what everything is. In other words, try to focus on having a sober, unwavering mind in the process of learning what it takes to find everything. However, once you understand what everything is, feel free to become aware of everything in different states of consciousness and different levels of awareness.
A belief is by definition the confidence in one’s own experience to determine what is real or not; whether or not you perceive something to be true is based on your own subjective experience. However, unless you have never been wrong about the true nature or reality of any thing in your life, you can understand that one’s own experience is not enough to determine the reality of an object or idea.
Instead of using belief to determine the credibility of what is known by you, accept what is seen for what is seen. Do not make any more assertions than what is required. The painting of a flower is simply that, a painting of a flower. If I asked you now, “Is the flower in the painting real?” I am asking you to affirm or refute the existence of a flower based on your belief, which is limited. Rather than answering the question with a fallible yes or no, understand that you can never know.
There is no thing that can be believed that will help you on this journey. Belief will only prevent your progression on the path to your something. There is no thing that is to be believed, nor will you be encouraged to believe in any thing at all. You must simply become aware of your many current beliefs, and understand that they are simply thoughts.
What is meant by becoming The Knower and transcending The Believer is to completely understand the essence of your experience. It is to know your being. The Knower cannot fall victim to the menace of doubt, for The Knower cannot believe and is only ever able to know. The only things you have ever experienced, as a human being, are the five physical senses and the awareness of thought. In the physical senses all things can be seen, heard, smelled, tasted and felt. In thought, thoughts can be observed. That’s it. You are knowing the five physical senses and thought. All things are subject to the five physical senses and thought. The five physical senses and thought will be referred to as the experience.
It is important to understand that what is perceived as your experience of being, is simply the knowing of an experience. The experience is not necessarily an illusion, but it is definitely not you. You are aware of it, therefore it cannot be you. You are aware of your thoughts, therefore you are not your thoughts.
It may seem difficult to grasp the concept of no time, since it is all the physical being has ever believed in thus far. Instead of trying to imagine a world that is frozen in the now, wherein nothing changes, understand that it is impossible to catch the moment for it is so instantaneous, that by the time you find it, it is already gone. It is hard to conceptualise one moment in which you have always been, when the physical being believes that they remember being alive for so very long. However, try to understand that it was not the physical being being alive, but rather you knowing the experience of the physical being being alive. It was never the physical being within the experience that was knowing, it was you, The Knower.
In order to understand the whereabouts of you, The Knower, we must first understand what allows for any place to be. A place is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as:
In the same way that it is ridiculous to search for a letter that does not exist, it is ridiculous to search for The Knower, for The Knower does not exist. In the same way that the letter is nowhere to be found, The Knower is nowhere to be found, for The Knower is nowhere at all. In the same way the Leprechaun understood how meaningless it would be to search for something that cannot be found, you must understand how meaningless it would be to search for The Knower, for they too cannot be found.
An age-old concept that has fascinated philosophers and mathematicians for centuries is the likeliness of a thing to occur, or the probability of a thing. This is important to mention because of the doubtful nature of the mind. What is the probability that you are the one who will find this something? How can it possibly be you? You must understand that if the mind is doubting itself, and you know the experience in which the mind is observed, then you are not the mind.
Remember, you are The Knower, and you are only ever knowing, now. If you happen to know any thoughts along the lines of: “What are the chances of me coming upon this book which just happens to know that I am The Knower, and not just another reader!” or “Is it just a coincidence that I was able to find this book or was I meant to find it?” try to understand that you are not the physical being who found the book, you are The Knower, knowing the experience in which a physical being finds a book. Do not ponder the significance of the experience at all, nor the nature of such an unlikely coincidence, for it is not a coincidence happening to you. It is a coincidence happening in the knowing of an experience.
An interesting illusion the experience will impose on the physical being is how familiar a person is with their physical experience. However, the familiarity a physical being feels with their physical experience is actually the familiarity you, The Knower, hold in regard to knowing, as it is all The Knower has ever been capable of. The physical being must understand that their illusive familiarity has the capability of being fabricated in one moment, whereas The Knower has only ever known. For example, The Knower can know the experience in which a physical being may believe they are extremely familiar with the physical body they are experiencing, but it remains that you are only ever knowing.
The physical being from within the experience must come to terms with their inability to comprehend The Knower, which is no thing that can be understood. The physical being from within the experience must come to understand their limitations and that should there be a knowing of them, it would be no where, in a place they do not know how to find, for it is not a place that can be found. That is, the physical being cannot see what they cannot see, nor can they understand what they cannot understand, so it is the acceptance of this limitation I am pertaining to. The physical being within the experience must surrender the will to know, for they are unable to know The Knower, for it is impossible for the experience to know The Knower.
“I simply do not understand how I can know this bar so well, although I have ever known it once? I know I have never been here before, yet I remember that I have. I am convinced that I am familiar with everything in this bar, the wooden doors, the rickety stools, the olden curtains and your eternal kindness. But… I do not know you, what is happening to me?” You are in shock of how familiar you have become with this friendly bar. “The Flaming Familiarity will do that to you! But don’t you worry, have a couple more drinks and I’ll tell you where to find the one you are searching for.” The tender tender reassures you once more.
The Knower only knows the experience in which a physical being is able to comprehend physical concepts within the experience. Therefore, the physical being cannot know or understand what they do not know or understand. The physical being is subject to the experience, and the experience is subject to The Knower, yet you are The Knower. You are The Knower, and should the physical being ever experience the menace of doubt in regard to The Knower knowing the physical being’s experience, it is simply because the physical being within the experience has forgotten the essence of The Knower. You cannot forget the essence of The Knower which is to simply know, because you do not have the capacity to forget, but only to know. You simply know, and that is all.
The experience is subject to The Knower, therefore it can never know The Knower. However, although the physical being can never know The Knower, the physical being is able to align themself with the understanding that they cannot understand The Knower, for they are, like the experience, subject to The Knower. Yet, they are able to surrender their beliefs in the pursuit of aligning themself with the essence of The Knower.
Though the physical being can never know you, The Knower, they can align themself with the essence of you. That is, the essence of you is that you are not bound by time, thus making you momentary, yet eternal. The physical being can also understand that you are not bound by space or physical limitations, thus making you boundless, and infinite. Although the physical being understands that their experience is finite and bound by both time and space, they must come to accept that The Knower is unfathomable. The physical being must understand that any attempts to comprehend The Knower will be met with failure.
Should the physical being expose themself to the vivid feeling of experiencing a physical world through either the waking state, dreaming state or other forms of hallucinations, they must remember to align their understanding of the essence of you, The Knower, with their experience. That is, the physical being must understand that although it feels like they are experiencing a physical world, they understand that it is The Knower knowing the experience in which a physical being is able to experience a physical world. In other words, the physical being must align their observation of the physical world in the same way The Knower knows the experience, with no judgements or assumptions.
It is a ridiculous feat to conquer the intimidation brought about by the experiencing of fear and pain, but the physical being must not be afraid of any physical consequences. The physical being must understand that although the experiencing of fear and pain may feel extremely authentic and real, they cannot fear any thing. Instead, they must trust their understanding of the essence of The Knower, wherein The Knower becomes imperishable, deathless and immortal, for pain, death and mortality are all concepts subject to the experience. It is important for the physical being to align themself with the essence of you, The Knower, so that you are able to know the experience in which fearlessness is expressed, ultimately allowing the physical being to let go of any fears they may possess.
The physical being must be prepared to experience absolutely anything. The physical being must be prepared to see absolutely anything. The physical being must be prepared to find absolutely anything. The physical being must be prepared to always remember the essence of The Knower, and harness the understanding that is the indestructibility of The Knower. The physical being must be completely conscious of the invisible presence of you, The Knower, and understand that they will never be able to find you, but only because you have found them, by simply knowing the experience in which they exist.
A physical being cannot encounter a demon from hell, but can most definitely fear the idea of a demon after having watched a horror film, or after having read a scary book. Fear comes in many forms, so much so that a thing does not have to be inherently scary to cause fearfulness in a physical being. A physical being could have just as many irrational fears as they do rational fears. Yet, in the pursuit of aligning one’s experience with the essence of you, The Knower, the physical being must be prepared to face an immeasurable level of fear and understand that The Knower is not able to be harmed.
The physical being does not necessarily have to go on adventures looking for horrifying experiences, but rather they should be prepared to accept absolutely anything. Should the physical being experience a nightmare, it is important to understand that in the same way their waking being was never harmed, the physical experience will never be able to harm The Knower. The physical being must be prepared to know that although the nightmare occurred in the dream state, it was a remembered experience that is just as real as remembered experiences in the waking state.
The physical being must understand that all they are, is what is known in the present moment. Within the present moment, the physical being is alive, and that is all. The physical being should not ponder the possibility of death, for it will disallow the physical being to align themself with the essence of you, The Knower. This is the final and ultimate surrender the physical being must come to terms with.
The purpose of this chapter is not to help you, The Awareness, understand the infinite nature of Awareness, for you are unable to do any thing other than the being of awareness. Nor does it attempt to explain infinity to the physical being, for infinity cannot be understood from within a finite experience. Rather, it is to help the physical being understand that you, The Awareness, do not have to do anything other than… be! It is to help the physical being understand that what they are trying to understand cannot be understood. It is not a thing that “understanding” may ever comprehend. Although “understanding” will inevitably keep trying to understand, the aim is for the physical being to become aware of the impossible nature that cannot be understood.
In the same way it is extremely obvious that a person is always breathing, you are awareness. In the same way it is extremely obvious that the living is alive, you are awareness. In the same way it is extremely obvious that you are you, you are awareness. In the same way it is extremely obvious that you are aware, you are awareness. These statements are absolute, in that they cannot not be. In the same way, you must recognise the absolute nature of your awareness of your awareness, and understand how meaningless it would be to mention that you are what you are.
“I am not what is not awareness” simply becomes “I am not what is not”. If “I am only awareness of what I am only awareness of” is true, it follows that “I am not awareness of what I am not awareness of” , which becomes “I am not what I am not”, wherein lies the joke. You are not aware of what you are not aware of. The essence of you, awareness, is infinite and paradoxical; You are infinitely paradoxical. It is essential to speak in absolutes in order to understand the essence of your being, without the hindrance of unnecessary words that would only cause further confusion.
It may be easier to understand this concept by recalling the process by which you concluded yourself as not being a thing. For example, you were aware of the knowing of the physical experience, meaning you were not the physical experience. You were also aware of the knowing, meaning you were not The Knower. This is where it gets… ridiculous. You are aware of your awareness, meaning you can’t be awareness, but you are. This is where awareness is recognised as infinite. This is where you are recognised as infinite.
You must first understand the meaning of a “who” before attempting to associate its properties to the current knowing of the self – The Knower. The Oxford Dictionary defines “who” as:
You are no one, you are no where, you are no thing and you are only ever knowing, now… but why? Why are you at all the way that you are? First we need to understand what we are trying to ask, what is “why”? The Oxford Dictionary definition for the adverb “why” is:
Before trying to comprehend the ridiculous, infinite and paradoxical nature of awareness, you, it would be helpful to find clarity in the definitions of recurring concepts so as to avoid ambiguity. Firstly, it is important to understand the characteristics of a paradox, which is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as:
consciousness: the state of being able to use your senses and mental powers to understand what is happening.
This is not to say that you, The Awareness, can become conscious. You are only ever aware. The physical being within the experience of which you are aware must become conscious of the nature of you. The physical being can only align themself with your nature, for they cannot be aware of you, but only understand from within the limitations of the mind a finite definition of awareness.
The physical being must understand that they are subject to the experience, which is subject to the knowing. Similarly, the knowing is subject to you, The Awareness, and you are infinite. The physical being must understand that an infinite being is aware of them, though this infinite being does not and cannot exist within the experience. The physical being must understand that you, The Awareness, are no where, so it is inconsequential to search for you. The physical being must understand that you are unfathomable, for you are infinite and the finite mind cannot comprehend infinity.
To become conscious of you, The Awareness, the physical being must understand the nature of you to the extent where they surrender the will to find you, for you are not able to be found. The physical being must understand the nature of you, The Awareness, to the extent where they surrender the will to know you, for you are not able to be known. The physical being must understand the nature of you to the extent where they surrender the will to believe in you, for belief exists within the experience, and you are not within the experience, but aware of the knowing of it.
The physical being can do no more than the doing of nothing, to allow you, The Awareness, to become aware of nothingness. The physical being must surrender the ability of doing anything, to allow you to be. The physical being must understand that they are to The Awareness what a story is to a book. In the same way a film is to the screen, the physical being is to you.
In the finding of nothing, the physical being I am aware of understood that what ever is aware of the knowing of their experience cannot be labelled, known, remembered or understood. Yet, it was the physical being remembering nothing, that allowed for the physical being to understand the impossibility of the awareness. The remembrance of nothing allowed for the realisation that there was simply nothing, no thing, to remember.
She asked me “What does it mean?”, to which I replied “I don’t know, it’s literally nothing I can describe, there is no way to explain it… it’s not that I’m awakened, we’re all just… awakening? Always… and it make so much sense, but I don’t understand why I can’t speak about it.” Still confused, she jokingly asked me one final question, “So, does that mean I’m awakened too?”
There is no physical being that can reach enlightenment, for enlightenment is not a thing that can be reached. Now what? What can you do, when there is nothing to do? How can you apply what you understand regarding the nature of The Awareness to the experience? If The Awareness is in all things, how can you find it? If The Awareness is everywhere, how can you see it? If The Awareness is the joke, what’s the punchline?
The Expression is the ocean, and once it is recognised as the very not nothing and not something from which all nothings and all somethings become, the physical being will understand. The physical being will understand that there was never an enlightenment that had to be reached, but only an eternal enlightening that had to be remembered.
Yet, in the coming chapters I will be referring to you in question, hoping that you understand the nature of your being well enough so that words do not confuse you. For example, should I say that you need to look in the mirror to see your eyes, understand that The Awareness cannot look, for it does not have the capacity to look. Instead, realise that though I am referring to you in the same way I would a physical being, I am only doing so for the ease of illustration.
You are The Awareness, yet you are aware of the knowing of the experience in which a physical being exists. It is this physical being who is reading this sentence, yet I can also say that it is you who is reading this sentence, as long as you understand the distinction between being the physical being, which you are not, and being the awareness aware of a physical being. Should I ask you to find anything, understand that although The Awareness is incapable of finding, the physical being is able to search, allowing The Awareness to become aware of a physical being searching and finding.
Instead of demonstrating this expressiveness of The Expression in the same way one would refer to a convoluted proof in mathematics, a story will be used as the basis for all the concepts and ideas in the coming chapters. In the same way a child may find it difficult to understand the expression of a “pair” without seeing two of the same object, you may find it difficult to understand the expressiveness of The Expression without recognising its countless expressions.
I do not recommend dwelling on this uncertainty, but rather I suggest you try and understand where I am coming from. If you can never know if your “blue” is the same as someone else’s, how do you know if your “good” is the same as someone else’s? If you can never know that your interpretation of a thing is the same as someone else’s, without falling victim to the mechanism of belief, what good is imposing judgement on another’s interpretation of what could possibly be a completely different experience, through their subjective interpretation of it?
The only one that can know your experience, is you. Although it is possible for me to document, demonstrate or retell certain happenings from your experience, it is inevitable that I will superimpose my own interpretation of my own experience, upon yours. It follows, that should you believe that you are able to perfectly understand another’s experience, as well as you do yours, simply remember how quickly The Believer recognised The Knower, and how quickly The Knower recognised you. You can always try to understand another’s experience, but it is important to remember that you will inevitably superimpose your own interpretation of your experience, upon theirs. Try to approach any judgement of others with a respect and humbleness that comes from your awareness that you only know what you know.
You understand that if you were to recognise every single expression of an abstraction, you would go mad. What good is recognising every ‘step’ you take? What good is recognising every ‘breath’ you breathe? What good is recognising every ‘question’ you ask? Fortunately, you realise that there are probably more interesting abstractions to recognise than the number of ways you are able to walk or breathe.
Instead of delving into the crux of Fibonacci or mastering quantum mechanics, we are able to explore a wondrous tool that exists within the mind of the physical being: imagination. Analogies are most often used to help convey an understanding in short story form, but with the infinite potential analogies hold, it would be beneficial to explore their nature to understand the underlying principles that govern their complexion. To understand their complexion is to understand why we are able to use them to describe or simplify, fundamentally anything.
The physical being must remember the infinite nature of The Awareness, always abstracting any concepts and ideas observed in the experience. Furthermore, in the same way you were able to transcend The Believer and The Knower to recognise yourself as The Awareness, you must attempt to not only abstract obvious concepts and ideas, but you must also abstract… abstractions! Should you recognise the abstraction of ‘two things side by side’ , or the abstraction of ‘a thing that is blue’, understand that each abstraction can always be further abstracted.
The experience is an infinitesimally small expression of the essence of The Knower, where time is finite, things may or may not begin and end, and space is limiting. The abstraction of the experience is The Knower, yet The Knower is no thing, therefore it cannot be an abstraction. However, we must understand that since language exists within the experience, it superimposes the limitations bestowed upon it by the experience, on The Knower, disavowing any truths we may aim to find.
We must understand that although The Knower is no thing, and does not have the capacity of being an abstraction, since The Knower only ever knows, we must consciously remember and accept that it cannot be an abstraction. However, we are able to say that the experience expresses the infinite essence of The Knower, rather than The Knower itself. Instead of labelling no things, like The Knower and The Awareness, as abstractions, we can assume that they are being expressed by some thing. Therefore, it follows that the infinite essence of The Knower expresses The Knower, but what is The Knower expressing?
Examples of expressions of the infinite essence of The Knower within the experience are eyes that cannot see themselves, seeing and hearing thoughts that cannot be seen nor heard and our inability to understand what cannot be understood. In the same way The Knower is knowing, a physical being within the experience is experiencing. At this point, it should become apparent that all things and all no things express the nature of what they are subject to.
It is not the finding of a place that is no where that a physical being must do, but rather it is the acceptance that such a place cannot be found. You must understand that there is no point in looking for what cannot be found nor seen. Similarly, once the Leprechaun accepts the infinite and unfathomable nature of The Awareness, it will finally align itself with the nature of The Awareness.
It is helpful to recognise abstractions that express an infinite and paradoxical nature, so that we can delve into them and understand infinity and paradoxes from within the experience. How can we delve even deeper? How can you recognise complex abstractions within your experience? Have you gone to the Ticket Seller yet?
This inspires you to abstract your experience with the Ticket Seller, wherein you were told to ‘beware’, but beware of what? Regardless of how dangerous the carnival seemed, you decided that the fun far outweighed the terror. Though you understand the fright that can befall you, you are prepared to cast aside your peacefulness. But what does this mean? Why does it matter? The thought wanders from your mind.
You realise that in the same way you are not amazed by the repeated recognition of the abstraction that is ‘waiting to be let in to somewhere’, you are also not amazed by the repeated recognition of ‘recognising the Leprechaun’. You laugh, because though you understand the infinite nature of abstracting abstractions, you have just experienced it, or rather recognised it for the first time.
You recognised the abstraction of ‘not being amazed by a thing that has happened before’, and now understand that in the same way infinity is a point that can never be reached, the infinite nature of abstracting will only let you believe that you have it all figured out. In the same way the physical being cannot comprehend The Knower, you cannot out-abstract the infinite nature of abstracting, for you are an abstraction. You cannot transcend the nature of abstracting with abstracting, for you will still be abstracting!
You look around until you find a wooden horse whose artistry you fancy, and you prepare yourself for the ride. As you climb upon the worthy steed, you understand that this is the wooden horse that you picked. This horse being picked was no coincidence. In the same way The Knower does not have the capacity to experience a coincidence, you have aligned your observation of the experience with the essence of The Knower and the nature of The Awareness. You have aligned yourself, in that though you may believe you are experiencing a coincidence, what is happening is simply happening.
You understand that you picked a specific wooden horse, but it is the horse you would have picked. You understand that there is no point in pondering what you could or should have done, for it is already done. In the same regard, you let go of all regrets, for any thing you might or might not have done, you did or did not do. You understand that although it may be fun to entertain the possibility of other realities, wherein you may have done a thing differently, it is pointless to dwell on the outcome, since what you did do, is what you would have done.
Without The Knower to know this experience, it could not be known. Yet, without The Awareness, there can be no awareness of The Knower. You understand that deciding to ride the carousel allowed you to further express the ‘observing a cyclical thing’ abstraction, in the same way The Knower knowing this experience allowed you to exist within it. That is, purposely or unconsciously expressing a specific abstraction allowed for the abstraction to reverberate throughout your experience, expressing itself in some way or another.
However, it is beneficial to first understand what a “reverberation” is, before exploring its properties. The Oxford Dictionary defines “reverberation” as:
You understand this quite easily. However, what you do not understand is the purpose behind the little Leprechaun repeating the same thing, over and over again. Why would anyone entertain such an inconsequential, menial and repetitive task? Suddenly you remember that you have just finished riding the carousel, which is an inconsequential, menial and repetitive task.
Some time passes and you have observed what you now understand as the reverberation of cars being rotated, one by one. Yet, every time a car rotates, every subsequent car follows. You recognise that there is no difference between the expression of the Ferris Wheel and the expression of the dominos.
You recognise the ‘exploring something until you reach a high point of understanding’ abstraction. The first expression of it being the entire experience at the carnival thus far, and the second expression being your ability to recognise ambiguous and repetitive abstractions throughout their many expressions! You understand that you deciding to go to the carnival allowed you to both reach a higher physical recognition of the carnival, as well as reach a higher metaphysical recognition of your experience.
At this point, the realisations are just ridiculous, but you cannot stop. You understand that in the same way you decided to ride the carousel, which afforded you an astounding revelation, you decided to come to the carnival, which afforded you an astounding revelation. The recognition of the ‘deciding to do something, resulting in astounding revelation’ abstraction was too much to analyse, and too much to ponder. Finally, you decide to stop trying to abstract every thing you come across, because if you tried, you could abstract forever... which is an expression of the infinite nature of The Awareness. You get the point.
So, a joke can be ridiculous, illogical and insensible. Instantly, you get it, but only because you can’t. That is, you remember the essence of The Knower, in that you are unable to comprehend The Knower, for The Knower is no thing, no where and only ever knowing, now. You understand the essence of The Knower, but you can never comprehend The Knower. Therefore, you get it, but only because you can’t.
Unsure of the punchline, you try to decipher what you assume is the Jester’s attempt at a joke. Your mind is thinking at a hundred miles per hour, trying to find different ways to make sense of the joke, but to no avail. Then you remember, that in the same way The Knower is unable to be known, and The Awareness is unfathomable, there is no point in trying to comprehend a joke that not even the Jester can understand. That is, the Jester not being able to understand itself, is an expression of The Knower never being able to know itself. The punchline is that the punchline does not exist, yet it does, for the punchline is that the punchline does not exist.
Although it feels as though you are amongst the eager crowd, you do not see the acrobatic spectacle through your eyes, but simply through the formless knowing, wherein abstractions of unity are expressed with expressions of duality, and vice versa. You understand that what is seen with your eyes, is no more than an expression of the knowing.
You realise that seeing is but one expression of knowing, coupled with the expression of hearing, smelling, touching and tasting. As erratic thoughts seize your mind, you realise that they too are expressions of the knowing. Yet, regardless of all the different expressions of knowing, both physical and of the mind, you understand that this experience is one expression of the knowing. You cannot see duality anymore, but only a unified experience. There is no more something and no more nothing, only this.
You might know duality, but only through the one, unified experience. You understand that for as long as you remember, you have tried to run from pain and sadness, but where were you running to? For as long as you remember, you have tried to escape the chaos and the unknown, but where were you escaping to? If you had not experienced sorrow, would you appreciate the beauty of joy? If you had not experienced chaos, would you appreciate the beauty of peace? If you had not experienced pain, would you appreciate the beauty of comfort?
Punchlines will always find a way to coerce you into assuming their intention, blindsiding you in the process. If punchlines were obvious, they would not be funny, yet they have the liberty of being simple or absolutely genius. You understand that the circus itself was an expression of The Awareness being aware of you. In the same way you chose to enter a place with which you were not familiar, for the purpose of being entertained, so too did The Awareness.
How are all things seemingly expressing The Awareness? How are all things seemingly expressing? How are all things expressing? How? You are baffled by the obvious expressions and amused by their ambiguity. Upon leaving the circus, you wander aimlessly till you come upon the Haunted House. You never even thought of going inside, but what is the worst that can happen? You finally understand that any thing that happens within the experience can neither harm nor touch you, The Awareness, although it may cause quite a scare.
You realise that not only have your footprints left a trail on the carpet, but everywhere you have ever been. No matter how insignificant you assume your life to be, you understand that your very being at any place has changed the course for all who followed. No matter the greatness of the sea, you were able to change the tide. No matter the span of someone’s life, you were able to be remembered. No matter the vastness of the universe, you were able to find yourself.
You find your way back to the mirror and stare at your own reflection. Though you have seen yourself before, you realise you are seeing yourself seeing yourself. You are also seeing yourself, seeing yourself, seeing yourself, seeing yourself, infinitely. You never needed to recognise The Awareness being aware of itself, you never needed to put a mirror in front of a mirror, you only ever needed to look at yourself. You understand that in the one moment of you looking, you are both searching and finding, infinitely.
You understand that in the same way there is no point in going back, there is no point in dwelling on a past that cannot be changed. In the same way the only option is to keep moving forward, your only option is to keep moving forward. It is becoming excruciatingly obvious that all things you do are simply expressions of abstractions, which inevitably express the nature of The Awareness. Fortunately, it is amusing you.
The Oracle glances at the puppets above, and says “No thing, no one, and here, yet no where.” You are dumbfounded, because although the answer seems absurd, you completely understand it. You wonder if the Oracle purposely referred to the nature of The Awareness, or if it was a complete coincidence. You choose to pry. Extremely intrigued, you stare at the Oracle and ask “Who are you?”
You are confused and don’t know why the Oracle is obviously referring to The Knower and The Awareness, without acknowledging it at all. You ask “What are you?” Although you know what to expect, you can’t believe that you are hearing what you are hearing. However, you also understand that you cannot be hearing anything else. The Oracle says “Ah, isn’t it obvious? I am this, this is what I am! I am me, and this is me! This is the I that I am, I am this me! I am not what I am not, but I am what I am! I am this!”
I told you that this book was the room and that I was the Leprechaun, though I completely understand that you forgot. How could you remember? With so much going on, why would you remember! But it is me! I am the Leprechaun and the Oracle! This is rather awkward, since I am talking to you in a dimension where neither the Oracle nor the one who is sitting across the Oracle is able to communicate. Thus, I shall return to the story, to make sure the ending I had planned comes to fruition.
You understand that it was always you who was aware of the story, though you might have lost yourself in the character. In fact, you did lose yourself. You did forget yourself. You have no words, for no word can describe what you are experiencing, yet both everything and nothing makes sense. You understand why the nature of The Awareness is infinite and why it is paradoxical.
You understand that there is quite literally an awareness that is no where for it is not being aware from within the story, where all the ‘wheres’ can be, yet here it is. “So… this is it?” you ask the Oracle. “Of course this is it! What else could it be! How else could it be! It is just this! Not even ‘this’ is accurate enough to describe the ‘this-ness’ of this… yet it is all we have! And all we have… is this!”
“I have never been alone, for it has always been… here, with me. There’s no point in telling anyone, for they are me, and they are just another expression of infinity, and they have simply forgotten, but will inevitably remember. I cannot believe it!” And as soon as you acknowledge the fact that you cannot believe it, you understand the joke.
You do not need to ask the Oracle anything else, for you understand completely, that you cannot at all understand it, and that it was okay. You understand that the character in the story had to align themself with the nature of The Awareness, before The Awareness was able to be aware of no thing. Yet, in the awareness of no thing, The Awareness became aware of itself and you remembered.
You understand that you can never die, though the story you are aware of will come to an end, as all things that are, do. You understand that you are infinity, being aware of a finite experience. You accept, and understand, that you can never understand, for there is no thing to understand. You are you, and you are all. You are. You.
You look up at the shelves, remembering that there is only one more thing you would like to know during your time on Carnival Island, and ask “Yes, why are Leprechauns so fascinated with dominos?” The Oracle looks to the purple sky and then at you, “To understand this story you must not observe it as yourself, but as The Awareness. To understand this story, you must transcend the being that you are, who lives on Carnival Island, and be no thing. This is the acceptance of death. This is it. After this, you will be no more. This is the final chapter of your story. This is the end.”
You understand that the difference between a believer and a non-Believer is nonexistent. The believer would traverse their cyclical paths, balancing all the domino pieces and unifying themself with the Watcher. The believer would align themself with the nature of the Watcher, and always attempted to love and cherish their neighbours, as well as their enemies.
You understand that the believer and the non-believer are an expression of the paradoxical nature of the Awareness. In the same way that The Awareness is and is not, some Leprechauns believe and others do not. The paradoxical nature of The Awareness is inevitable, in that even the explanation of it, results in the very expression it is expressing. That is, a Leprechaun attempting to explain the paradoxical nature of The Awareness created countless expressions expressing the paradoxical nature of The Awareness, as opposed to one expression. Yet, all expressions are one expression.
You also understand the ridiculous nature of the non-believers, in that they believe there is no Watcher. The non-believers believe there is no heaven. The non-believers believe there is no devil. You understand that in any thing that is expressed, what will always become apparent is the paradoxical, ridiculous and infinite nature of The Awareness. Similarly, the Believer does not believe the non-believer and the believer does not believe the non-believer.
What you are trying to do is quite literally nothing. The character in this book did not have to do anything for you to remember that you are the reader. In the same way, you will not do anything for The Awareness to become aware of The Awareness. The only thing you are able to do is understand and accept the simple fact that there is literally nothing you can do. That is, the only thing you can is do nothing. The only thing left to do is to become nothing.
Until the inevitable becoming of nothing, find abstractions and expressions of yourself, as well as all aspects of the experience. It is likely that you have read this book with a sober mind. Should you find yourself in a different state of consciousness or a different level of awareness, make use of such an opportunity by finding abstractions and their many expressions. Should you find yourself in a state of sadness or joy, excitement or boredom, try to understand the experience from the perspective of The Awareness, instead of the perspective of a physical being.
Understand that in the same way the reader was aware of the character, the character was aware of the Oracle. That is, within your awareness of the experience, do not treat others as separate, but rather understand that they are to you what the Oracle is to the character. The Oracle and the character are in the same story, of which you are aware.
Though the persistent abstracting and finding of expressions may seem redundant, understand that this is insight meditation. It will lead you to many revelations that are exclusive to you. Instead of closing my eyes and observing nothing, I chose to keep them open and observe everything, until there was nothing left to observe. There are many paths to nothingness, but this was mine.
Do not assume that a thing has too little significance to be worthy of your abstracting. Instead, understand that you must abstract the very hesitancy of abstracting it. That is, if you believe a thing has too little significance to be abstracted, try to understand why. Why is this thing so insignificant to you? Why is this thing not worthy of your time? If this thing is so insignificant, why does it exist? If this thing is so insignificant, why are you giving it so much thought? If this thing is the only thing you are aware of, whenever you are aware of it, how can it be insignificant if it is the only thing you are aware of?
In the same way, do not assume the knowing of any specific individual is less or more significant than the knowing of another. If you are aware of the knowing of someone, do not disregard their presence within the experience. Try to understand why they are to the experience what they are to the experience. If the feeling of disassociation arises, use the opportunity to abstract the feeling of disassociation. If the feeling of familiarity arises, use the opportunity to abstract the familiarity of being aware. Whatever the experience, always abstract the situations within until there is nothing left to abstract.
Should you entertain the serenity of deep meditation, become aware of the thoughts that appear and abstract them and their many expressions. If a thought appears, try to understand where it is appearing. If a thought appears, try to understand to whom it is appearing. Abstract every aspect of every thought, until there is nothing left. Once there is nothing left in the awareness of thought, you will find all that is left, which is nothing. When you find this nothing, abstract it.
Should you know the experience in which a great sadness or pain has become, battle through the aching and abstract every aspect of every observation. Understand how the abstractions you recognise are expressing the nature of The Awareness. If pain appears, try to understand where it is appearing. If pain appears, try to understand to whom it is appearing. Is it appearing to the physical being, or The Awareness? If you are able to withstand the pain and live to tell the tale, what could this resilience possibly express?
Whenever you are abstracting the experience and the many expressions within, understand that you are only ever aware, now. Wherever you are abstracting the experience and the many expressions within, understand that you are only ever aware, here. Do not let your wavering mind lead you on this journey. Always remember why you are abstracting. In other words, remember that you are abstracting all aspects of your experience to recognise the relationship between the many expressions and the nature of The Awareness.
You do not have to abstract the concepts and ideas within the experience using any specific technique. You know yourself better than anyone, so only you will know the easiest way for you to abstract and understand complex concepts and ideas. Always remember that when you are finding expressions that express the nature of the Awareness, you are finding expressions of yourself, not some separate entity. Remember you are The Awareness that is only ever aware, now, here, because.
I know where you are, and you know where I am. How can you be anywhere other than here? How can I be anywhere other than here? It seems so obvious, that it almost seems ridiculous. Should you ever find yourself thinking that you know more than another, understand that all you know is all you know.
You may understand the nature of The Awareness and how it has been permeated throughout every aspect of every aspect, but this is The Awareness. In other words, we are all within The Awareness. We are all one. We are all here, together. Do not put yourself above another, for all is you. If another puts themself above you, do not try to prove them wrong, for it is still all you.
When there is nothing to be seen, how far away can you see? When there is nothing to be seen, where are you seeing from? There is a whereabouts, that is not a whereabouts. However, we will refer to this non-whereabouts as a whereabouts until we understand why it is not able to be a whereabouts.
You have been on quite the adventure within the experience. At this point in the journey, there are two simple lessons with which the physical being should find themself in complete alignment. All things are expressions of the nature of The Awareness and you are The Awareness which all things express. These two lessons are all you need to understand on your journey to a place that cannot be a place.
All things are not innuendos alluding to The Awareness, rather all things are innuendos alluding to the nature of The Awareness. All things are innuendos alluding to the nature of The Awareness and all its properties that are able to be known. The innuendo is in all expressions. A closet meaning so obvious, yet it is hidden in plain sight. Before it can be seen, you must know that there is nothing left to be seen. You must understand that because you are searching for it, it is searching for you.
It is also necessary that you completely understand the properties of the nature of The Awareness in order to seamlessly analyse your experience. Although we are exploring the nature of shared abstractions, each physical being will have their own story, within which unique expressions are expressed.
The intensity of the score matches perfectly the passion of your emotion. The hurried embrace of a hundred violins, the rhythmic plucking of the harp and the rest of the orchestra that bring it together imitate your rapid thoughts and analysis of the melody, the rhythmic pattern through which your realisation was illustrated and the awareness of it all that allowed you to see. You understand that it is inevitable, like the certainty of life and death. You recognise the orchestra as the expression of your experience, and your experience the expression of you.
You find infinity, and the cycle around which all things revolve. You realise this has always been occurring, though you were too distracted to see. You understand that the searching of infinity is where you, The Awareness, got lost, though it is the infinite discovery of the infinite discovery that allows for remembering.
You understand there is nothing more to understand. You experience the knowing of nothingness, and finally see the humour in knowing nothing at all. You relax, take a deep breath, and accept everything as it is. The final note silences the stage, and obviously, your thoughts follow suit and disappear. You awaken, though in the awakening you realise you were only ever awakening.
In the remembrance, you were only ever remembering. You understand the jester’s laugh, you empathise with the prophets and a small chuckle becomes from you, as you finally understand the impossibility, though inevitability of all religions and spiritualities.
You find that the purpose of science, religion, spirituality, atheism is the very search of the infinite search, through physical, finite means. You understand that it is the letting go of trying to find, that allows the finding to occur, though it couldn’t be in any other way. You have not become everything, instead you remember that you always were. You know awakening, for you are awakening, always.
Upon leaving the theatre, you look up and find the sun is blinding. You make the ridiculous assertion that in the same way your eyes are blinded by the gleaming light, you have been blinded by the obvious truth. You understand that the very thing allowing you to see, is blinding. You have, once again, found the infinite paradox of life expressed through finite means.
Through the nature of the finding, you understand that it was you who was found by you, in the search that never ends. You have become the searching you were searching for, and realise it could never end. Day and night mirrors the seer and the blind, the inside and out, the never and forever. The self and all else are seen as mere manifestations of The Awareness. It was never the world that was the illusion, only your perception of it.
With your new-found discovery of “nothingness”, you realise that sorrow is to joy what the joke is to the jester, for without one, the other cannot be. You understand that though the heart-aching pain broke you down, it was only so that you could find the strength to get back up once again.
You understand that by the nature of having forgotten, you had to remember that there was something to remember, and it was the remembrance of remembering that was referred to as forgetting. You see that forgetting was to remembering what “nothing” was to “something”. You see the infinite never in the momentary always, and the enlightening darkness in the blinding light. You are to life what life is to you. Life is remembering your story as much as you are remembering life.
After watching the puppet show at the carnival, you decide to walk back to your cabin. You remembered… everything. Although you had fallen in a dreadful pit of misery, you were able to find your way out. You understand that having reached enlightenment does not, at all, relieve you from the tragedies of life. Instead, you remember that reaching enlightenment allows you to find peace within the acceptance of any situation.
Since your first visit to the annual carnival, you have become quite an explorer of abstractions and their many expressions. You are well aware that the experience is comprised of countless abstractions expressed throughout both the physical, and of the mind. You also realise that absolutely all things allude to The Awareness. That is, all things allude to the paradoxical, infinite, present and impossible nature of The Awareness. You understand that although you are not able to accurately express the absolute nature of The Awareness, you can express… its expressions!
The expressions of the The Awareness are the formless abstractions, and the experience is the expression of formless abstractions, and the expression of the experience is… the experience! In the same way The Awareness is aware of the Awareness, the experience is an expression of the experience. You are able to find ridiculous, yet extremely obvious, similarities within your awareness. What started as the recognition of multiple instances of an abstraction has become a convoluted, yet understandable, set of patterns, concepts and ideas. You understand the nature of how all things are within the experience, but what if you could also understand the nature of how all things could be?
Instead of feeling pitiful toward a miserable situation, whether it be your health, current financial status or environment, understand that you are simply aware of many expressions expressing the abstraction of ‘feeling pitiful toward something’, one of which is the physical being’s state of mind. Always aim to transcend the experience’s attempts to distract you back into itself, by repetitively abstracting concepts and ideas until there is nothing left to abstract, apart from the untethered abstraction of an experience.
Instead of believing that you are a physical being, abstracting an experience, understand that you are only aware of the knowing of an experience in which a physical being believes. You are aware of an experience in which a physical being believes they are self-governing and not another expression of an abstraction.
You understand that within your recognition of the abstraction of ‘withering’ and its many expressions, things are withering. Some of the things are the physical being’s state of mind and health, their garden and the experience. You also understand that within the experience, any expression that the physical being is able to express is subject to the abstraction of the physical being. Similarly, the physical being is subject to the experience.
You understand what you have to do. Wherever there are things that wither, you must do what you can to help them grow. Wherever there are things that are dying, you must do what you can to help them live. You step outside, ready to water the fading plants and prepare to show love to the garden whose beauty you have longed to see. Moments after you begin feeding the withering plants, you notice a working Leprechaun filling up the pothole on the road in front of your cabin. What a coincidence!
You understand that influencing the experience by expressing abstractions will allow you to experience what you desire, but you are yet to unlock the boundless capabilities of expression. You decide to visit an old friend, the fortune telling Oracle from the haunted house! The Oracle is still at the carnival in the city centre, and your visit is long overdue. You remember the balcony beneath the purple skies. You remember your rememberance. You remember that you are not a character in a story , but the reader. You are The Awareness of a character in a story.
You understand that you express yourself throughout the experience in the way that you are, and the Stonemason expresses themself throughout the experience in the way that the Stonemason is, yet both you and the Stonemason are expressing. You are expressing formless abstractions, that have taken the form of your individual, respective experiences. You are only ever expressing. You are always expressing. Everything and everyone is expressing.
As the Stonemason rambles on, you finally realise what you lack. You lack knowledge of this experience. Though you understand the nature of the experience and its expression of the formless abstractions, you will not grow within the experience unless you know what to express, and how to express it. Simply understanding that you have the capacity to express is not enough, for this experience rewards knowledge.
You recognise within you a desire to meet as many others as you can, for you finally understand that they too share the experiencing of experience. Up until now, you have focused on looking within yourself, but you have found all there is to find. What can you learn from another? What can you know of another? What can you find in another?
As the two fade into the crowd, you notice someone sitting cross-legged on the sidewalk. Their eyes are closed and their hands by their side. They are doing… nothing. They are doing absolutely nothing. You walk toward this living statue and realise that it’s a monk. You finally understand why monks do nothing. They do nothing to allow the becoming of nothingness.
You realise that although this journey is a lonely road, once you find yourself you will never be alone again. You understand that every physical being that exists within the experience is necessary, simply because they are here. They are here, expressing… something. They are here expressing something, and whether or not you ever find out what their 'something’ is, depends on your desire to approach them. Have you found your ‘something’ yet?
As the drunken Leprechaun passes you, it trips and falls into a book merchant’s cart. Subsequently, the books topple over the fallen Leprechaun. You notice the countless books that fell and find it amazing that there are so many stories to be told, and so many more to be written. You recognise the expression of storytelling, the writer and the reader. You find it funny that you are able to write a story about a character who is writing a story, and understand that the infinite potential of storytelling expresses the infinite and ridiculous nature of The Awareness.
Are you the reader? What are you reading? Are you reading a story or your story? Are you the writer? What are you writing? Are you writing a story or your story? You understand that you are both the reader and the writer. You are the reader for you are able to observe the events that have unfolded within your experience, and you are the writer for you are able to decide what to express within your experience. You are able to decide what abstractions to express within your experience, ultimately deciding what abstractions are to be expressed in the coming future.
You realise that your unwillingness to return to the carnival is an expression of your unwillingness to return. You are not ready to return. You are not ready to close the book. You are not ready to finish the story of you. You understand that all things within your experience that remind you of the state of unpleasantness, are simply expressing your unwillingness to die. Similarly, you understand that all things within your experience that remind you of the state of pleasure, are simply expressing your willingness to keep going.
“I understand that knowing what I know, which is nothing, will not rid me of my sorrows, but it will allow me to appreciate them. I understand that knowing what I know, which is nothing, will not rid me of my pain, but it will allow me to embrace it. I understand that knowing what I know, which is nothing, will not help me find peace, but instead become peaceful. I understand that everything is as it is, and that all is perfect. What I do not understand is why I cannot remind everyone else.”
“Speaking of questions… you asked me why is it that you are unable to remind anyone of the remembering… Take this book for example. This is the story of ‘The Griffin Elf’. It tells the tale of a half griffin, half elf hero, whose mission is to save the planet of Heloch. Would you like to read the book, or know how the story ends?” Confused, you decide to answer truthfully, and say “I don’t see how this will help me understand the purpose of remembering, so no, I don’t think I would like to read anything, but how does the story end?” Suddenly, it all makes sense.
“I understand” you begin, “I understand that I cannot force others to remember… what cannot be remembered. I understand that I cannot want them to remember, for there is absolutely nothing to remember. I understand that what I want is for them to be happy. I understand that what I want is for them to find peace. I understand that what I want is for them to enjoy their experience, whatever it may be. I understand that what I want is for them to want to help others.”
“I understand that I want them to treat others how they would treat themselves, because others are themselves, but it does not matter if they know. I understand that I want them to find peace, because in the finding of peace they are finding themselves, but it does not matter if they know. I understand that I want them to find love, because in the finding of love they are finding themselves, but it does not matter if they know. I understand that I want them to search for something, because in the finding of anything they are finding themselves, but it does not matter if they know. I understand that I want them to find truth, because in the finding of truth they will find themselves, but it does not matter if they know.”
“I understand that the reason I am able to love is not because of my remembering, but the experience in which I am able to love. I understand that the reason I am able to find is not because of my remembering, but the experience in which I am able to find. I understand that the reason I am able to help is not because of my remembering, but the experience in which I am able to help. I understand that my remembering is a gift that I cannot give, for it cannot be given, though it can be expressed.”
As the Oracle places the book back on the table, you ask “I understand. I understand the beauty in the forgetting and the beauty in the remembering. I understand that everyone is simply expressing whatever it is, exactly in the way that they are expressing it. I understand that everyone is always searching and finding, and everyone is always lost and found. I understand that there is love in everything. I understand there is purpose in everything. I understand there is everything in everything. But this is not life, this is poetry. I understand that all are it, being expressed. But how can I show them?”
You affirm “I understand. Though I can see, I am still blind, and there is nothing wrong with that. I understand that though I remember what this is, I do not know what is yet to come. The answer to my question is, once again, most obvious. I must simply be. I must simply learn. I must simply be, here, in this experience, now! I must be myself and express myself. That is all I can do, whether or not I am aware of what I am.”
Your eyes fall weary, but you do not tire. Your ears hear everything, but there is no sound. You understand that there will never be a time when you will know everything, though this matters not. What’s the point in knowing everything? What’s the point in seeing everything? What’s the point of having everything, in a life where all it takes is something to keep you going? What’s the point of having everything, in a life where all it takes is something to give you purpose? What’s the point of having everything, in a life where all it takes is something?
There are no words to describe your excitement as you grab ahold of the book. You open the tale of The Storyteller on the first page, and find nothing. You are slightly confused, but you turn to the second page, and find nothing. You keep turning, and turning, and turning and you keep finding nothing, and finding nothing, and finding nothing. Bewildered, you question The Oracle “Why is there nothing in this book? I understand the joke, but how can I read nothing?”
All the shop goers form into one line in front of the bench, all awaiting their copy of The Conqueror! Goer after goer, you are being praised for your narration and explanation of The Conqueror. Though the meaning of the story is unique to you, you understand it is just as unique to everyone else. One by one, they approach the bench and praise your expressiveness, in the hopes that you choose them to become the Apprentice.
The Apprentice stands in front of you like a gelid figure waiting to come to life. The Apprentice is speechless, not because they understand what you said, but because they do not understand a thing. However, they pretend that they do, “I-I know what you mean… I must… always look, and always find, and never be lost unless I know where to return.” The Apprentice musters up whatever heap of words they are able to salvage from the rapid goings of their mind. Yet, although they could not remember exactly what you said, they remember exactly what you are saying, unbeknownst to them.
However, I understand if you do not want to write a book. Would you rather paint a picture? Would you rather sing a song? Would you rather dance a dance? How would you like to express your experience of the room? How would you like to express your experience of this life? How would you like to express your experience? How would you like to express? How?